Trolling for tips...or it's gonna be a brown, BROWN booth

Shameless solicitation here....

You see this sorry excuse for a paint job?
Don't avert your eyes, cowards, LOOK. 

You know you've seen worse, albeit not lately I'm sure.
This small dresser started out black,
and had obviously been painted numerous times prior.
No before pics, which officially makes me a dink.

This is pretty much ugliness on a biblical scale.

I think it's 'cause I kept painting over tacky paint that had yet to dry.

I have a surplus of overly brown vintage furniture 

I want to sell in my booth. Catch is, I'm not sure I want it to STAY brown. 

I'd like to give it all a dreamy wash of antique white with a tea glaze over it, 

but for now, I'd just be happy not to have the butt-ugly results you see above.

Here's what I'll be working with....

Brown #1

Brown #2

Brown #3

Just a few of my brown beauties that I'd like to give
new life to and then send off to a new home.

Prior to this afternoon, I'd never painted a lick of furniture in my life.
Tuck that bit of info away into the painfully obvious files. 
But knowing it would be a steep learning curve,
I armed myself with an el-cheapo gallon of paint
from the Habitat for Humanity Re-Store and got busy.

I'm pretty sure the heinousness in the first pic was due to dry brush, 

which not unlike dry socket, produces equally painful results.

Lesson learned, load the brush up with mo' paint.

FYI, I was using a brand called Color Place: Interior Latex Flat Wall, Country White. 

Never heard of Color Place, but I've got a gallon of it, 

so no sense mucking up perfectly good furntiture 

with Ralph Lauren, right?

After some trial and error, 

here's the not-quite-so-heinous side....

Still nothing you'd want in your home or your booth, but better.

Right? Please say yes.

Hooray, I managed to finally get it right
on a sad little lonely plank of wood!

Cut to the chase....purpose of this post is to shamelessly solicit
my infinitely more talented friends for helpful hints
and/or heretofore unshared trade secrets
on how to re-paint old furniture.
In my perfect world, painter extraordinaire Troy from Junk Exchange
would swoop in like the superhero he is and save me,
but I know he's busy, busy getting ready for Warrenton.

So the onus is upon on all of you, my friends. 

Links will be happily accepted, as will prayers to the junking gods.

Off for now, whiteness awaits!

XOXO,

~ Anne