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Friday, March 11, 2011

What's Been Going On


I am....

all or nothing

no in-between

0 or 60

my speedometer doesn't do 30

Mount Everest or the ocean depths

level ground? what is that?

a blinding light or pitch darkness

no shadows here

So when I

burn out

I tend to go down in flames.

As far as I know, I'm not manic depressive or bipolar,
but I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest
if I found out that I was.

I am a woman of extremes.
Maddening, frustrating, oft-times debilitating
extremes.

And lately?
The extremes have taken a hard toll.

I've tried to blame it on blogging,
but blogging is hardly to blame...
the fault lies with the woman composing this post.

I flamed out, pure and simple.
Hit the proverbial wall.

The past year, I have dropped the ball on many things of great importance.

My family.
My faith.
Responsibilities
and
commitments.

And all because I couldn't find
balance
peace
and
harmony.

I felt as though I had to do it all,
and that I had to do it perfectly.

I have failed myself,
my family,
my God,
and in some ways,
many of you.

I've contemplated deleting this blog...
just going
poof 
and disappearing from your blog rolls
without warning..

But isn't that just like me?
Little Miss All-or-Nothing?

Instead of scaling back,
taking a breather
and actually learning how to bring
order and balance
to my life,
I opt for the dramatic choice.

And in some ways, the easy choice.

It's always easier to curl up in a ball in the corner
rather than
facing and conquering your demons head-on.
Easier, but ultimately it's a choice which leads to a sort of death....
maybe not a literal death, but one where your spirit
withers and dies.

Not  a choice I want to make.
Not now.
Not ever.

The problems and demons I've been dealing with
are not ones I wish to share.
They are deeply personal,
and some are pretty big...
but they are not too big for God to handle,
if I will just let Him in again.

It's a time of re-building...
my relationships with my family,
my God,
and even with myself.

Re-learning how to love myself,
when I haven't really felt very lovable at all.

I'm tippy-toe-ing back into the blogging world.
With a humble and grateful heart,
and with a healthy dose of fear, too...

Fear that I won't find that balance,
and will flame out once again.

But I love the relationships I've formed in this blogging world
so very, very much...

y'all are my heart, and I miss you.

And you are worth the effort.



Love,



93 comments:

GLENDA CHILDERS said...

Finding balance in life can be so hard at times. I appreciate your honest post and will be praying with you as you make decisions.

Fondly,
Glenda

Kattywhompus Primitives said...

Grace to you Anne...

Ticking and Toile said...

Oh Anne!
You are a sweetheart.....no matter what you're dealing with....if you lean on your heavenly Father, and pour out your heart to him....and have faith that He can help you, and bring you peace.....He will. You are an absolute darling & sweet daughter of God, who knows and loves you just as you are.....0 or 60 mph and all! ;)
I think you are just f a b u l o u s...!!!

love you girlfriend!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoo,
Shellagh

www.MaisonStGermain.com said...

We love you too Anne:) I miss you and your posts but know very well that faith, family and other things must come first. I must feel complete before I can share with others. I also love the relationships I have made with other bloggers too. There are those of you, you included, that just have my heart. I just love that I can "talk" to them whenever I want. I don't blog every day because I simply can't. Maybe blogging less would help? We would all still be here for you:) As I have said before, take your time and work things out in your life. That is when you will be truly happy. And don't be so hard on yourself. Take care, sending you hugs. -Debra xxx. Capers of the vintage vixens

deborah said...

reading & loving you from afar.


you're in Good Hands.
(zephaniah 3:17)

paige said...

dangit woman
i think i love you even more.

i totally respect your total honesty.
i think it is so easy to get off balance now that i spend a ridiculous amount of time on the computer. i can relate to that issue.praying for all the rest. she says while her husband is looking at her & thinking, it's time to tuck my little one in...sigh

Alison @ The Polohouse said...

This is so beautiful, so well-written,
and such a heartfelt post.

As a mother, wife, woman, Christian, and multi-tasking maniac, I hear you!

I sympathize and I understand.

I am a new follower of yours, as of a couple weeks ago. Love what you do and will be here for you in thick and thin, like a friend should be.

Take your time.
We will all be here for you!
God bless you and thanks for
your sweet and un-sensored honesty.
You have such a way with the written word.
Will look forward to seeing and hearing from you on your terms, as it should be!

xoxoxox

Have a lovely weekend.

FRENCH LAUNDRY said...

I think many of us out here suffer from some of these demons. But you have the right idea...back off, regroup, realign, and rejuvenate. You can do this as long as you rely on the creator. I have been having some trials of my own and yet, when I'm feeling most down, something or someone comes along and gives me the little nudge that lets me know that I am cared for and that all will be okay. I pray for you to get that calming assurance. It WILL be alright and YOU will be alright. What you are doing is of the utmost importance. Do it. Take care of you. Check in when you can. We'll be here, trying to find our own balance. :-)

Hugs,
Judy

kerrie of sea cottage said...

Taking a step back from blogging last month has really helped me. I am finding balance, but I am just in the beginning of it. baby steps. I would hate to see you go. You would be greatly missed. This blogging community is valuable...the encouragment, friendships, prayers...we need each other. Just continue to take time away and come back when you can. I was posting almost daily, now I am posting once or twice a week. I'm going to stay with that. I need to learn to give my time to my family and home again...and my art. Wishing you peace. Remember His grace is sufficient. ox

Tammy said...

Dear Anne -
I don't know if this would help at all -- but I've been reading this book called The People Code by Dr. Taylor Hartman. It is very insightful into our motives -- how God made us. It has helped me in ways you've mentioned above. I'm an all or nothing girl too :)
Just prayed for you right now.
Tammy : )

~Sheri~ said...

we have...or i should say..I HAVE been in ur shoes..maybe i do not know ALL the details but I can assure u...I m a ALL or NOTHIN gal too!

Which can complicate life and relationships....i m learning at 40 that it is ok not to b perfect...its ok to make mistakes and its ok to START over....become a better me.

May u find what u need.....we will b here when u return....u r a creative woman and u will overcome....creativity can lead to chaos at times...but u WILL find ur balance....HUGS ~Sheri

Junk Exchange said...

one foot in front of the other .. hand your secrets and dreams to God and carry on ..

love you ..

Troy

Simple "T" said...

Please if you will allow me to say this; please take more time off and give it over to the lord. He just maybe trying to get your attention. I use to be the perfectionist, the do it all my way or not at all, could not sleep due to my mind not shutting off. Always had to be deep into things in order to block out all the thoughts. The lord was trying to talk to me and I had turned my back to him and kept on with my ways. His ways are stronger and he can deal with an unruly child hard sometimes. He got strict as I would not sit and be quite. He got my attention hard. If you are battling some things in your mind, please take this time to get quiet and listen. We all will understand your needs and will be here when things are situated.

God will never push himself on you but he created you for a purpose and wants to give you every opportunity to know him to his fullest. He will convict us in our thoughts and if we keep push those thoughts out. He will eventually let go. I have been there, done that...

We all here in blogland care about you and wants what is best for you. My prayer is you take time to listen.

Kate said...

Dear Sweet Anne,
Know that you are so very loved just as you are.
Praying for grace over your emotions as you journey to find your balance. Sending as much love as your heart can hold!!

xo
Kate

Vicki said...

I have a huge amount of admiration and respect for you. I'm sure that was just as difficult to write and share as it was to admit to yourself. Lay your burden down. Let Him have it and heal yourself. So much love and great advice in these comments from your friends here. Take the time to focus on what is most important in life - God and family - and you will see everything else fall into place. I hope decisions to be made are not too difficult and that you find peace in making them and moving on. I hope that relationships can be mended and that you will find grace again in your life. Wishing you peace and balance in your life.

Sue said...

I SO hear you! For me, it is always non-stop, never satisfied, thinking I could do better. We will have an awesome sale with great numbers, but I also hear the voice in my head say, "yep, but we should have done more"! I don't know what it is, or how to explain it. I word my butt off 24/7 but yet it never seems like enough. There are many of us that are driven, and there are some of us that are driven so hard it takes a toll, I know! When you achieve the balance you are seeking, please share. I know in my heart, if I keep up what I'm doing, I will definately hit a wall and crash and burn. Thank you for sharing. I for one "get" what you are saying!!

Take care, Sue

Tammy said...

Sweet Anne-I luv you girl! and will always be here to read a post ( or email) from you whenever you choose to send one out! Life is too short to worry about anything other than being happy & being with those that love you!
Finding that balance is not easy...we all face it...take care and SMILE!
Tammy :-)
JUNK WILD

The Green Pea said...

Dear Anne, I love you and you were always so sweet to personally email me. Thank you for sharing with us, I just want to say, I do miss you. Please take all the time you need. My prayers are with you and your family. Please know that we all love you. sandi

Sue (Vintage Rescue) said...

Anne, I'm not religious at all, but can tell you're conflicted on some level. So, take the time you need. Remember, blogging is about what you're WILLING to share, NOT what you're expected to share. We all love you, and love to hear what you're doing, but there's no obligation to do so. We all go through periods of time that are difficult. Do it all on your own time, and search your soul.

I'd love to see you in Warrenton, if you're around. Email me. XOX

Angela said...

I used to think it was just me...but now I know that human beings are creatures of extremes. Balance is that slippery thing we work toward, get there, and slide right off again too quickly! I guess the only thing we can do is relax and let God be in charge( He always was anyway!!).

Shelly said...

Well, currently, I've got to say, I SO identify with your post! Death of a close friend, my getting sick, broken camera,,,,I thought-Do I want to Blog anymore?

I know God doesn't give us MORE than we can handle,,,,,but it seems at times He has "too much faith" in our abilities/strength. And sometimes, I just want to Shout- "I don't want to be strong anymore!"

Annie Girl, You are Loved and Talented. The World IS TRULY a better place, because YOU are in it!

I hope you find your strength, your hope, your dreams again, for you are a light and a spark that we ALL love!

Hugs, Love and a "Big Old Bus" on the Cheek to you!

Shell

Michele said...

Ecclesiastes 7:18
"It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other. Whoever fears God will avoid all extremes."

Dear Anne, your honesty is what keeps us coming back. I know what you mean about finding balance. I struggle with it daily and many times feel like a failure. So, I understand and can relate to so much of what you just shared. I'm currently at a crossroads in my life, too. I'm praying and trying to find the wisdom to know what to do next.

James 1:5
"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."

Maybe these verses will help ease your mind and soul.

Sherri B. said...

Bless your heart...I live and have lived some of these things but won't go into that.. You will find balance and you have said what you need to say, you know the proper order of things...As I was reading what you were saying I was thinking why I like you and your blog, it is because you are very open..when I read your posts I can hear you as if you were talking in an every day voice...You are an artist, have you ever noticed how unusual artistic people are? How everyone likes being around people like you? There is life in you and the dreams you have and how excited you are to do and share things..I am seeing other bloggers who, on different levels, say some of the same type of things...Some people say that "you can't have it all." I say, "If you're smart enough to figure it out, you can!" And I think you are. You can love The Lord and your husband and your family and be blessed to use the gifts from God and enjoy your life. God will gently guide you to put everything in the proper place.... You will be in my prayers. I hope you don't think this is too forward of me but it was on my heart when you shared your heart with us.

Please know we will be here when ever you decide to put down a few words.

xxoo

Sharon @ Elizabeth & Co. said...

I think the search for peace, balance and harmony is an ongoing challenge! And I'm a bit of an all or nothing girl too. As always Anne, sending you best wishes for finding your way!

Itchin' Stitchin' said...

I saw your picture coming up in one of the Romantic Homes Issue and thought I hope everything is okay with my dear friend Anne.

Hope you battle those demons and win. Sometimes our biggest obstacles in life is ourselves. Remember to be kind to yourself ::Big HUGS::

Peridots Garden Blog said...

Dear Anne,

It is most difficult to pull back and regroup but it is oh so necessary!

Your dedication to life and ALL of it's wonderful mysteries is admirable. You are an artist, you are a healer, you are a wife, you are a woman...that said...you are one busy woman...so when needed take the time just for yourself...

I always tell my friends...take the time to wiggle your toes in the grass...feel the wind blow through your hair...savor the scents of Spring...and feel the sun on your face...then breathe...and know dear sweet Anne...while none of us is PERFECT...you dear sweet lady are so darn close...your friends and followers believe it...so smile...enjoy...heck-fire-spit you've just gotta accept that we all care deeply for you!

XO

Sandy

Low Tide High Style said...

Anne, whatever your struggles you will overcome them and emerge even stronger, wiser, and more able than you already are!

Best wishes!

Kat :)

Blondie's Journal said...

Oh, Anne. I ddn't know how to respond. I am not one to give advice but I am a good listener. What always works for me is a deep breath and one foot in front of the other. I will be thinking of you and saying many prayers.

XO,
Jane

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Sweet sweet Anne, this is such a heart felt post. I feel your pain and disappointment in yourself. Please know I love you just as you are. God will take your burdens and guide you, just let him. Take whatever time you need. I care about you and only wish happiness for you. Lots of love, Linda

cityfarmer said...

I am afraid to even utter the words ...
hanging on by a thread ...

I've come and gone so many times ... in my mind.

It's almost like ... I can't even say the words.


I feel like my heart beats with yours and you can read my mind, too.

deep breathing now ...
on the other hand the blog can be such a ministry ...

I only hope you realize how many lives you touch.

Jennifer Rizzo said...

Anne, we are here for you when you need us. Do what you can and then give the rest to God. He is waiting for your problems. Take a deep breath and then just take your time. Blogland isn't going anywhere. Neither are your friends. Let us know if you need anything.

Rachel Noelle said...

You are such a sweetheart Anne~thanks for your openness and honesty~Have missed you~You are in my thoughts and prayers my friend~ Hugs,Rachel

ps saw images from you in Fifi's post about the new Romantic Country~ Cant wait to see more!;)

French Farmhouse 425

Michele said...

XOXO

Jemsmom said...

Your honesty is inspiring and your faith and belief in God and your family is so touching. I pray you find the balance that you need. You are an amazingly talented woman and we miss you when you are gone!

Daphne Nicole & Lynda Cade said...

Oh Anne, I so understand about trying to keep everything in balance... I've been struggling with the same thing myself! I will pray for you that you get the balance in your life that you need! Take care my sweet friend!!!
Big hugs~~~ Daphne

pamq said...

Oh, you said everything that I think about.

Only you said it so much better than I.

Most of the time, words that eloquent just don't come for me.

So, thank you.

Take care. Take time. {xox}

Tales From My Empty Nest said...

Anne, I have missed you! I'm so sorry that you have been having struggles in your life, but know that there are so many of us who love you and are praying for you. Remember that God is ALWAYS there for us! He will never give us more than we can handle, no matter how bad things are! As a cancer survivor, I realize how precious life is and I cherish each and every day. God provides hope in our lives each day! We are all here for you too. I myself, have not been posting that often. Let's face it, how many blogs can one person read in a day's time? Thanks for sharing your heart with us all. I hope you can find the balance you desire and that you can experience joy in your life again. Love & blessings from NC!

Irene ~ RE~VINTAGED said...

Everyone has a life that is so much more than blogging. Blogging has a way of bringing us closer though, so when you are ready, we are here :)

Joanna said...

Oh dear Anne, my heart aches for you, it really does. You are finding your way again, and that's hard.

All I can do is send my love and so hope that you give yourself time to sort everything out.

Take lots of care, my friend.

Jo
xx

It's me said...

I will pray for you darling....and don't forget....i love you....it feels so good to be here......you are my friend.....so if i can help you...please tell me.......xxx...xxx...

A New England Life said...

When it comes to blogging I tend to feel the same way, all or nothing. And many times I've contemplated deleting my blog as well (or making it un-viewable), so I know just how you feel Anne. I think once you reach that point it's difficult to comeback to your former glory. At least it has been for me.

I wish you all the best in your personal life.

Sharon

sissie said...

Hi Anne,
I want you to know that you are a ray of sunshine in this blogging world. I love your heart-felt honesty and sincerity. This is why we all love you so much.

Prioritizing the important things in our lives isn't always easy, but somehow it all falls into place.

Keep good thoughts in your mind and heart and know that we understand.

hugs and love,
Sissie

Theresa said...

It is nice to see your sweet face here BUT your health and heart are way more important to me than seeing a blog:) I am retired and have all the time in the world to blog when I want to BUT when I have a really busy day, Church on Sunday etc... blogging gets done when I have the time! The difference with me and you is that you have such a huge following and it is hard to keep up with so many folks! Do you feel like you are letting them all down? WELL you shouldn't! It is impossible to keep up will SOOO many, you would be blogging full time and that's not how it is supposed to be!

Feeling overwhelmed? Well, you have had a bunch of stuff going on for a long time! The new house search, find, nope, yes, yes and then all the problems with that! The fire at the old house etc. Repairs etc. with that! Photographer to the Stars:) AND a wife with a job!

Honestly, I am worn out just talking about all you do! REST, PRAY and be content in your heart! Know that I am here when you need a hug or a prayer! I need nothing in return:)

Love you my friend, Praying!

A Cottage Muse said...

Hi Anne...I admire you so much for the real person you are and love the way you are sharing the way you feel, being so honest! It breaks my heart to know you are struggling though and wish I had the perfect words to make you feel better. Just know that you have many people here that love you and want the best for you. We aren't going anywhere. God knows you are doing your best. Saw your credit over at Fifi's...so excited for you. Just take it one day at a time and keep communicating...it works!

xo
Sandi

Lesley said...

Welcome back from that dark place, may light now fill your life and spirit. Blessings

HRH Sarah said...

Ditto what everyone else said. You are a chosen daughter of the Most High God, and He won't let you down. I think it's absolutely perfect how this breakdown (and I don't mean mental) came right in time for Lent! What better time to sort things out and spend more time thinking and praying, and less time doing? I'll be praying for you. As I have to remind my daughter and myself almost daily, "This too, shall pass". God bless you, sweet Anne.

JunqueMagnet said...

Deep questions often make for stunning revelations.Life is about the journey.The path of discovering you.Give yourself the freedom to do that and all aspects of your life will benefit.Smile!!!

LuLu Kellogg said...

My life is much richer due to all my Bloggie friends and that includes YOU. I love my Anne!!

xoxo

awal.ny said...

I hope you find balance. I once had to answer the question "what are you manic about?" There were many things I could think of, mmm, so I asked my sisters and they told me I am manic about everything. So I had to think and I found out I could not be 100% at everything so something had to give. I am learning and I continue to try. I hope you find your peace.

Abby's Paperie Garden said...

We're here for you:)

Alice said...

I understand.

I love your raw honesty and the fact that you put it all out there. All or nothing--a personality type that can be exhausting. But at least you put your all into the things you love. Think how gray and boring the world would be if no one had this passion.

Take a break. Regroup. Rejouvinate. Spend time with Mr. Twig. We'll be here when you get back.

Much love and hugs
Alice

Zita - Mlle Magpie said...

Dear Anne,
you sound a LOT like my husband. The upside is the incredible drive, talent, the brilliance and the energy. The downside, it can be very difficult to be you, to find a balance and keep it together sometimes. Be kind to yourself. Also don't forget that you're a health care professional and day-to-day, it can be a very wearing environment to work in (one of my good colleagues, a chaplain/priest at the hospital where I work recently burnt-out and had to go on leave). There's a new book coming out that I'm going to get called "Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind", written by a U. of Texas prof (Kristin Neff). By the way, my husband swears by a super regular exercise routine (although he's a bit psycho about it :) I think he would highly recommend this for you (and anyone for that matter).
xoxo
Zita

The Vintage Attic said...

Wow Anne you are loved...and they all took the words right out of my mouth.

The great thing about friends is nothing is ever owed...it's all done out of love, so take your time and don't worry about us, we'll be praying for you.

Don't ever forget who you are, you are a princess, daughter of the most high King.

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand..

This scripture has help me, so many times..you are not alone friend.

Hugs & Prayers
Melissa

Theresa said...

Dearest Anne, with all of the prayers going out for you I am sure you will feel a blessing of peace within you very soon. You are just so honest Anne, I have to believe we have all felt a bit of what you are going through, I for one KNOW that I have, and you know what got me through?... GRACE. period. I couldn't do it by myself and honestly even though they wanted to, my family and friends couldn't get me through it either but the day I got down on my knees and asked for another chance and He gave it to me. God will help you through this because He wants only good for you. More than we deserve for sure but that's what grace is.

I am joining the rest of the prayer warriers in the comments above and adding you to my list.

Like everyone said, take a break if you need to, we understand. Blogging should enhance your life not take away from it. The wonderful friends like yourself that I have met here have done just that for me, but I need to make sure I'm holding the ones here at home with the strength of Michael.
Take care, and know that you are loved :)
xoxooxoxoxo

Kathy said...

Anne, I haven't been out and about in the blogging world much lately - balance is sometimes so hard...I understand.

One of my favorite verses from the Bible is "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13). He will help you balance.

Your post was so heartfelt and honest - blessings and peace to you!

Kathy

Sarah said...

You'll find the balance you need and work through these times. Life is full of demands, but you are the kind of individual that can handle whatever life brings. Take care. You'll come through this. ~ Sending caring hugs ~ sarah

Kristin @ My Uncommon Slice of Suburbia said...

Girl~ we love you and are here for you~
Hang in there
Kristin XOXO

SuzyMcQ said...

Wishing you all the best, Anne. Every journey begins with that first step.

Godspeed......

High Street Cottage said...

Dear Anne, I think your post is proof positive that blog success does not mean happiness. I was blogging maybe two months tops and had those same exact feelings. This stuff is really, something that can get way out of balance for a person. Real life, family all the things you mentioned are exactly what's important. For me, my experience is that I like "living" life, I've never been one to photograph every moment. If I make a pot pie, I don't think to myself to take a picture and send it out to the world to see. So I was going to give up on it entirely. And lately again have had those same feelings. So reading this from you, of all people, makes me feel better , really. You blog, is not only inspiring but a joy to read. I come here and see things I am interested in, not a copy of all the rest. You're one of the originals, my Dear. My experience in life is, the drastic choice made on a whim is never the right one. Very very rarely anyway, so I'm hoping you're going to simply take your time, and post only, onlyyyyy when you feel like it. Do not let anyone, or thing dictate when you make a post. Take the time you need to be with your family , and rest. Speaking as one who's been inspired by you, xoxo tami

gail said...

You know what I got from your post? YOU'RE HUMAN.
Hard times, inner demons, loss of faith in ourselves and others and God all happen to everyone along life's path. If someone tells you it hasn't happened to them they are not speaking the truth.
Don't be so hard on yourself....accept your shortcomings.....keep your faith....the rest will fall into place.
I have not been in blogland very long but what I've seen is this is a nonjudgemental supportive group...and who has the right to judge anyway?
We are all here if you need us!
Here's something I saw today to make you chuckle a little I hope....

Are You Sagging?
Why not get a Faith lift? (okay sorry I thought it was funny)
hugs,
gail

Farmgirl Paints said...

can totally relate. i do the same thing...burn out is all over me right now. i'm tired and dream of nothing but days curled up reading a book. we have to learn that some things have priority...like the real flesh and blood people in our lives. the online ones are great too, but they take a back seat. it's not necessary to return every comment. you can't do it all. when you let your blog run you it's time to pull back. it's supposed to be fun not work. people will understand. i think it's something you just learn overtime. big big hug friend.

One Cheap B*tch said...

I'm a firm believe that whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger. We all go through stages in life and my advice is: keep your chin up as this too shall pass.

Jeanine

Lili said...

Sweet Anne, I wish you comfort, and the freedom to just concentrate on the things that bring you total bliss! Your all or nothing traits are endearing to me as you remind me of my 2 daughters, but everyone needs a little "downtime" at some point and I believe it's your survival skills that are kicking in right now to remind you! xoxo ~Lili

Olive Cooper said...

Your all or nothing passion makes you who you are. Rest up, pray, and enjoy God and Family. We love you♥

vintagesusie & wings said...

Sweet Texas Gal...
Friend, I wish some GREAT words of WISDOM would magically flow from my fingertips, but alas, that is not the case.
With my own ASS, permantly fixed to my sofa & my hand & mouse melting into one...I am questioning my OWN sanity! I KNOW I'm spending too much time on the computer, I validate this by saying, "This is my work!" But I know I'm living an unbalanced life.
Your words resonate in my ears. I like to call it OCD! Now I've never been diagonised with this aliment...but when I'm 'IN' to something, I will do it non stop until I just can't stand it anymore. Sometimes I feel I spend more time talking or writing about what I want to do, then I do 'DOING' it! What the HAY is wrong with me!! lol
So do know, you are not alone...from all these comments I can see, we are not alone.
Maybe it's a CHICK thing. My husband can be singularly focused. The roof needs fixin, he spends his time fixin the roof until it's done & then rests. Next the wood needs to be cut & stacked...he then does that until it's done & then he rests. Sometimes, I can barely sleep cuz I'm thinkin about what I want to do or need to do next...argggghhhhh!
I didn't mean to make this about me, but somehow I did! ;)
Just know sweet Anne, find your JOY again, whatever it may be & let the rest go. I believe you will find your PEACE there.
Big Hugs,
Susie

vintagesusie & wings said...

PS: I want to share this quote with you that I LOVE!!!

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

"For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

Antiques And Teacups said...

Thank you for your honesty...Simplistic perhaps, but "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths" Prov 3:5-6. It's amazing how this simplistic verse often restores my perspective.
My prayers during your rebuilding.
Ruth

Petite Michelle Louise said...

"here" for you always..and just as you are! wishing you strength and courage.

debsea said...

just breath, anne.
xo, deb

Jem said...

Breathing in and out is quite honestly some of the best medicine, Anne. Being completely aware of your lungs working and feeling like a miracle for couple of minutes always seems to bring me out of that funk of feeling totally flawed!

You are not perfect, none of us are. But you're pretty fabulous and we're all sending our thoughts your way!

Jem xXx

LLH Designs said...

I relate to almost every word you wrote. Thank you for expressing it. God has called me into an unusually still and quiet season. I resisted it at first, then wanted to just drop everything cold turkey. But now I'm following...at a very slow pace. Its hard for a 0 or 60 to go slow (I'd rather not go at all and just wallow), but we have a good and gentle Shepherd who is very capable of leading...if only we will follow.

I pray this will be a sweet time for you...even though it may also be painful. Invite Him in to the hurting, scared and insecure places. You know He'll come for you.

Love and hugs,
Linsey

Privet and Holly said...

Sending you a huge
boatload of HOPE that
you will feel rejuvenated
soon...Let the guest
posts continue while you
find your way back to...
YOU. We all go through
these peaks and valleys;
no one is perfect; if they
were, imagine how boring
life would be. Love you,
sweet friend!!
xx Suzanne

gail@myrepurposedlife.net said...

Oh dear! Seeing all the comments, I almost feel bad leaving one. I know you read them, and I don't want to add to your load. Does that make sense?
Know that I am here, thinking of you and wishing you ALL the best for now and always! You my dear are one of my first and oldest blog friends, and you have a special place in my heart. Hoping things work out speedily! Don't beat yourself up my friend. We're only human.
lots of love, thoughts and prayers headed your way from little ole me!
gail

Els Manning said...

hang in there lady... Things happen for a reason...and things will work out. Keep the faith. And we'll be waiting for you to be happy, and ready for more...! Love, and respect from me...
xx Els

Marci said...

you and me sound a lot like we deal with the same beast.
it sucks.
i have two words for you...soul restoration.
visit the brave girls and sign up.
i promise you will not regret it.
it helps bring peace to the soul.

AshTreeCottage said...

Dear Anne,

I came very close to crashing and burning twice in the past three months and I have only been blogging for one year. What kept me going? The few faithful readers I have who stop by to visit me no matter how boring or uninspired my post may be. The ones who compliment my photos when I know they could be better. The ones who laugh at my corny banter. The ones who have welcomed me and made me feel like someone out there in cyberspace is actually coming to visit little old me. I for one would miss your beautiful blog. You don't have to try to be perfect Anne, because to your many readers you already are. So just enjoy the friendship and everything else will fall into place.

Lots of love,
Susan and Bentley
xxoo

north pal said...

anne, we are all here for each other. take your time, you are the first one to take care of. i have just a few pointers,cuz i'm older. and one should listen to their elders. first take care of yourself, and don't do all the jobs, do what you can handle. and most important, you have not failed anyone!!!!youself, family or friends. if you want, let the blog go for awhile or stop it if you want. we won't like it,but you are no.1 and you know the part about God and dropping your troubles in His lap. so,please do that. He waits for us to ask Him. i know you know your faith. are you listening? o.k. then enjoy the rest of the weekend and BREATHE! Bestest,Denise

Chez Zizi said...

I have felt the same way lately and don't know how to change it. I really appreciate your post as it shows that I am not the only one out there feeling this way.
Best wishes to you on finding your way.
Zizette

Diane said...

Anne, what I love about you, and what I'm sure everyone else does, is your honesty. Sharing my feelings is difficult for me. You do it so beautifully and that is truly a gift.
When I'm feeling "down", honesty is hard...I tend to shut down and away from people and when necessary put on a brave front. Good for you for being true to yourself. Hugs that you will soon be feeling better....
Diane

Barbara Jean said...

Anne,
I am bipolar. I realize it is how I am to be extreme, but learning there is a middle ground. You will too.
God is faithful. He loves us just how we are. HE LOVES YOU JUST HOW WE ARE!!
I'm finally getting that. He IS doing His work in us! He will not give up on us!! You WILL find balance.

God is using you to minister to people by just sharing your heart. You are a gift to so many.
Others are not feeling so alone because of what you shared.

Lord, I pray we might rest in you, quit beating ourselves up, know that you love us, and keep sharing our hearts with others. Amen

blessings
barbara jean

Nora said...

I live in a house with 4 males that are "all or nothing" & can attest to the fact that it is very difficult living with that mindset. But I'm teaching them all that it CAN be done. I'm teaching them by LIVING my life as balanced as possible.

My blog will be 3yrs old this summer & for the first year & a half, I felt like I had to post EVERY DAY, without fail or I'd lose followers. Well, I never really gained a ton, like some folks, so the pressure wasn't from my readers, it was from within.

There's an old post that I stumbled upon one day that really helped me & I think it could help you too - http://www.tartx.com/blog/?page_id=233

I was always apologizing, because I felt like I letting everyone down. Turns out, the one I was letting down the most was ME. I quit volunteering as much, I learned to say NO more (that was HARD!), & because I'm an ace at multi-tasking, I taught myself how to slow down & do one thing at a time. Heck, there are now days when I can actually sit and DO NOTHING! *LOL*

There's no need to quit blogging to save yourself. Just do it when you can, when you feel like sharing, and those of us that truly love you & care about you will understand and STILL BE HERE FOR YOU when you need us. It's gonna be okay, I promise you!

♥hugs♥

Sandy said...

Anne,
I am in one of those valleys right now and feel about as low as I can.....I know it will change, and reading your post has given me more faith that I will indeed feel better....perfectionist??? Not sure, but a control freak, oh yes......and I am starting to see very clearly that control is an illusion....I can only be me...period. Now If I can just figure out who "me" is I will be ok.....I always try to be upbeat on my blog, but it is getting harder every post.....thank you for letting me read this and "feel " what I need to "feel'...I am with you all the way even tho' I am not one of your regular posters, I read your thoughts a lot! You really hit the nail on the head with this one. Have a good rest of your Sunday.....Sandy

susanhemann said...

Dear Annie,
I have been following your blog for some time. Today I was depressed and thought I would read blogs to cheer me up. Your blog is one of my favorite. I have been concerned for you, thinking there must be something more going on than a blog break. Imagine my surprise when you shared. I have Major Depression and it gets the better of me a lot. I want you to know it took great courage to share what is happening to you. Also to tell you others suffer too. I believe in God and yet I struggle with my faith as I struggle with other things in my life. Please do give yourself lots of love and try not to be so hard on yourself, thinking if only I did this or that, things would get better. You are not a disappointment to God or your family. If you can try to remember that, although I struggle with it, it might make things easier for you. I have sought help for my problem and take medicine for it, but it doesn't always go away. I do a Quiet Reflection Sunday on my blog and today's quote might me helpful (http://susanhemann.blogspot.com). There is an author John O'Donohue who has wonderful things to say abouot life, love and many other subjects. His book To Bless the Space Between Us, is truly wonderful.

For Solitude

May you recognize in your life the presence, power and light of your soul.

May you realize that you are never alone,
that your soul in its brightness and belonging
connects you intimately with the rhythm of the
universe.

May you have respect for your individuality and difference.

May you realize that the shape of your soul is
unique,
that you have a special destiny here,
that behind the facade of your life
there is something beautiful and eternal happening.

May you learn to see your self
with the same delight,
pride, and expectation
with which God sees you in every moment.

John O'Donohue

Peace is what I wish for you.
Sue

Stacey@A Sort Of Fairytale said...

Anne, this is such a lovely an honest post. on many things you spoke of i can surely relate...i have a real knack for crashing and burning! i wish you peace and balance (when you find it, give it to me, hahahehe). but most of all I wish you happiness!

Air Kiss said...

I have always been an all or nothing type, too Anne. It is quite evident in the way I am doing my pt college classes right now - I will be soo into it or school work is the last thing on my mind. I can slack with housework or be a cleaning maniac.. with me it is all about being in the mood I guess. I can understand the self-inflicted pressure to keep up with blogging. A month ago, I was telling myself that I "needed" to blog 3x a week.. now, I am totally fine with just blogging once a week. I don't let myself feel that darn pressure thing anymore.. I guess I outgrew it recently.. and boy that feels good. Thank you for sharing your honesty with us.. give yourself as many breaks as you need.. we'll always be here!
Lara

Lori Lucas said...

You don't know me at all, but you absolutely just wrote a post about me. I hope you find your answers. Lori L

lisaroyhandbags said...

It's always so hard to find a balance and sometimes you just feel like life has pulled the rug from under you. I know that you'll find your way - take all the time you need, we're always here. big hugs xo

Lee said...

Isn't it hard to give ourselves a break now and then? To give ourselves permission to relax a little? To not be perfect ALL of the time? We'll be here waiting for you- so go take a break and love your new home, your man, your down time! HUGS

Bringing Pretty Back said...

Anne~ I completely understand what you are saying! Balance... so so hard isn't it.
Thank you for this post and being so honest. You wrote what so many of us are thinking.
Have a pretty day~
Kristin

Tracy Suzanne said...

Dearest Anne and all this time I kept criticizing myself for not coming by to see you. I really wish I would have because then I could have at least been supportive. Balance was my word for this year and I found that it a tricky one. It seems to be very illusive. Honestly your post makes me think we could have been sisters. So hard on ourselves and absolutely all or nothing. You do seem to accomplish tons more than I do anymore. When I read your post I thought of this little quote that I've been meaning to share on my blog.

"Whatever problems you feel are over your head,
just remember they are always under God's feet". (hope I got that right).

Sweet wishes to you...Tracy :)

Lou Cinda @ Tattered Hydrangeas said...

Anne, I will only add to the hundreds of words of love you have already gotten...that tells you now much you mean to so many...

You are going in the right direction....you are looking Up...

I will say many prayers for you and I know you will emerge Victorious! Cos' that's just how you roll girl!

Lou Cinda

Maura @ Lilac Lane Cottage said...

Dear Anne,
I've only commented a few times on your blog in the past but I wanted to tell you that your blog is one of my favorites. I do understand how you feel though ...sometimes life just takes over and we loose our focus...we forget what's most important to us. Only we know what we need to blossom and thrive and it seems that you are figuring things out and finding what's best for you. What ever you decide to do we are all cheering quietly for you and hope that you will find that balance peace and harmony that we all need. All the best to you.
Maura

Annel Hill said...

Anne, My name is Annel,I have a small Flower & Herb business in Harrisburg,Pa. I`m on just a few bloggers sites because it can be very time consuming, even w/just the few I`m on. I just look at the pics and rarely leave comments, I did get to met Miss Mustard Seed last Saturday at an event at Her Church in Gettysburg Pa. What a Lovely Lady, you can sense the Spirit of God within in Her! I say all this to say that we all have been there and I`m sure we will be there agian, but with God as our Helper He will make a way in the wilderness just as He did years ago for His children, He will for YOU! You are a great blogger and I think your cottage is very NORDIC, which I just love! You, Anne, keep up the great work! Many Blessing to you and yours! <3

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