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Sunday, September 4, 2011

The Good, The Bad and the Whole Shebang


I wish I had pretty pictures to share.
News about my latest photography exploits,
or a really killer estate sale I stumbled upon this weekend.
Something light and frivolous and mindless.

Nope, I got none  of that for you.
So if you're looking for happy and cheery and all that jazz,
you best move along, because this isn't the blog for you right now.

My mom has inoperable ovarian cancer,
and I've spent the past week in the big city hospital at her bedside
following major surgery.
I'm a medical person myself, as most of you know, so it's a mixed blessing
knowing a bit more than the average bear when the roles are reversed.
I know when things are going right, 
but I also know when things aren't.
We've had a bit of both.

Because a lot of you might not have read my Facebook updates,
I'm compiling them for you here, in chronological order.
They may seem a bit disjointed, but 
maybe this will fill in the blanks for the concerned and the curious,
and will serve to explain why I haven't made this blog a priority of late.

Asking for prayers for a grave situation.  August 24 at 7:45pm via mobile
My mother has agreed to get treatment tomorrow. Please continue to pray for her, of course...but pray also that I can hold it together for her sake. I've already broken down completely several times today.  August 25 at 6:45pm via mobile
She is sicker than ever this morning and once again refusing to go to the hospital. I am frantic, please pray.  August 26 at 7:36am via mobile
 FINALLY got her to agree to go to the ER, we are there now. Thanks for all your prayers. August 26 at 11:27am via mobile
The news from the ER was not good at all. I just ask that you pray for peace for my mother and strength for me. I feel very much in shock tonight.  August 26 at 7:30pm via mobile
I held it all together until 4am, and then it all hit me. The tears flowed, the fear became palpable. Please God, help me to be strong for her tomorrow and every day she has left. August 27 at 4:36am via mobile
A very long day, but we now have a plan. Major surgery scheduled for Tuesday, please continue to pray that my mom feels the presence of Christ. Thank you all so much for all your prayers thus far. August 27 at 6:58pm via mobile
The fear I've been feeling for my mom had gotten better, but today it is back with a vengeance. Feeling nauseated, not sure I can do this. She had another horrible night, and has to undergo a grueling pre-op surgical prep today for surgery tomorrow. Got to keep it together for her sake. August 29 at 10:06am
She doesn't want any information about the extent of her disease from the doctor. She is in complete and total denial and is looking to me to make all the decisions about her treatment. This is so not like her...and I am completely overwhelmed and exhausted. August 29 at 5:02pm via mobile
I'm unable to keep up with all the correspondence and questions right now, just know that your prayers are very much appreciated. Her surgery is at 5pm today. August 30 at 8:39am via mobile
The early report back from the OR is not good at all...  August 30 at 7:34pm via mobile
She is in ICU this morning. They could only get so much of the cancer, there is much more they couldn't get. She has a horribly difficult road ahead of her and I'm not sure how much time we have left with her. Please continue to pray, above all for peace for my precious mama. Wednesday at 11:34am via mobile
She is off the vent, taking ice chips and occasionally teasing her nurses. I don't think she yet fully realizes the extent of her disease or the incredibly hard road ahead. It's still too soon to hit her with all of that. Plus, she's in for an incredibly painful procedure tomorrow when they change her wound VAC.
Still, she is alive. And where there is life, there is hope. Thank you Lord, for both.
Wednesday at 10:59pm via mobile
A little bit of a rough day. She was supposed to he transferred out of the surgical ICU today, but she needed to be heavily medicated in order to tolerate a very painful procedure. Hence, she's still out and sleeping it off now.
I do alright most of the time, but every once in awhile, the sheer enormity of all of this just smacks me in the ass. This is one of those times.
Thursday at 5:08pm via mobile
My mom had a rough morning. Very confused due to the pain meds, pulled out her NG tube, begging me to take her home. She may be transferred out of ICU today, and according to the nurse, someone will need to stay in her room with her tonight. I was prepared to stay, but an angel ( her adopted RN son Tom ) volunteered to stay instead. My gosh, I just need out of this hospital for one night, does that make me a horrid person??? Yesterday at 12:49pm via mobile
I'm on my way home now for the first time in a week. They sat my mom up in bed for the first time before I left, and they might move her out of the SICU tomorrow. She is still critically ill, still full of inoperable cancer, but I give thanks to God for these little victories. Yesterday at 9:15pm via mobile
For those of you who have walked the walk I am on now, what is the hardest part of the day? For me, it's that moment when I first open my eyes and realize that it's morning and there's another day to face. My heart starts racing and I realize that it all wasn't a bad dream. Peace comes at night, when I can close my eyes and escape, if only for a bit. 15 hours ago via mobile
Today was a mixed bag. She was sweet, loving, appreciative and grateful this morning and afternoon. We had great visits, and then we left for Mass and dinner. When we came back she was angry and confused and wouldn't make eye contact with me. It's the morphine, I realize that, but it's always better to end the day on a happy note. Thanks so much to all of you for praying and being there for me. 2 hours ago via mobile
 
And there you have it.
My week in a nutshell. 

Can I ever repay the countless hundreds of you who have left me
words of comfort and strength?
Probably not.
Heck, I can't even make the rounds to thank you each personally.

But just know this...
I have heard you.
And it's made a difference.



117 comments:

A Vintage Green said...

Love. Prayers for your Mom, her care givers, and for you for strength to carry on with such great pressures and responsibilities. Sleep when you can, don't forget to eat and drink water. Have a shower, share the care when you can. Again, prayers. Amen.

Miranda said...

Anne, I'm so sorry for what your family is going through. I'm so thankful to know that we're all in the hands of the Lord who's ways are so much higher than we can understand. I will be praying for peace for you, your mother and your family.

Susie (aka Three Boys Farm Mama) said...

Hang in there, Anne. Life throws some really rough things our way. You will get through this, though, with grace and humor still intact, I'm sure. Hidden wells of strength will come to you, bubbling up and overflowing. One foot in front of the other. That's how you get through a trying time like this. I'm sending blessings of peace, comfort and healing to you and yours. Best wishes...

Mary Ellen said...

Continuing to pray Anne. Let the Lord be your strength- It's ok that you are week and loosing it- that's our humanness.

"My soul will boast in the Lord; Let the afflicted hear and rejoice. I sought the lord and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are neer covered with shame. .. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them...Psalm 34 excerpts-

Oh how He loves you and you Mother -hold on to that truth in this time when it seems like all hell is saying otherwise.


Pslm 34 goes on to say..."The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted....a righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.. "

Praying-
mary

A Girls Gotta Nest said...

Dearest Anne,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mother as you take this journey with her.

May God give you both the strength.

Hugs,
Tami

Bohemian said...

Dear Anne... Prayers being sent your way... I am currently on the upside of a serious medical emergency involving my Dear Mom so I can totally relate to the stress, strain and anxiety going through such a thing brings, it is exhausting and emotional x 1000.

May the Lord give you His Peace, Comfort and Strength as you move through this most difficult time. I am thankful I don't know much about the Medical end of things so it allowed me to just remain Hopeful regardless of how grim the prognosis was & Staff always seemed... ignorance can be bliss in such situations.

Hugs... Dawn... The Bohemian

Nana Go-Go said...

Prayers from across the World too....as little comfort as that may give you....it's a long and winding road that your family and in particular your Mum are travelling.....prayers too for peace and no more pain.Much Love xxx

It's me said...

xxx.......

LuLu Kellogg said...

Sending prayers and love for you dear Anne.....

I have been in your Mom's shoes when I had my cancer and my chemo so I know how confused and in pain she is...keep the faith dear one and know we are all here for you.

Love,
LuLu~*xoxo

LuLu Kellogg said...

Sending prayers and love for you dear Anne.....

I have been in your Mom's shoes when I had my cancer and my chemo so I know how confused and in pain she is...keep the faith dear one and know we are all here for you.

Love,
LuLu~*xoxo

awal.ny said...

Anne, my heart goes out to you, to see your mother like this. Try to be strong for yourself and your mother. Enjoy each and every precious moment you have together good and bad.

The Rustic Victorian said...

God is in controll, keep praying, I will too.
Love
Marcie

Cheryl~ZanyMayd said...

Dearest Anne ~ Continued Thoughts & Prayers for You & Your Mom.... with each deep breath you take, may God renew your Strength & Hope.
Huge Hugs
xox
Cheryl

**Anne** said...

Thinking of you all in this very difficult time. May your mum find peace of mind.
Take care,
Anne xx

Sharon @ Elizabeth & Co. said...

Your mom is so lucky to have you! Keeping you both in my prayers!

cityfarmer said...

We are His body, His hands His feet ...
this is what we do!
We pray
We encourage
We uplift

"Be still and know that I am God"
Be still and know that I am
Be still and know
Be still
Be


xoxoxo

Lou said...

Anne - My heart breaks for you. This journey will not be easy for either of you but every moment is precious. God is with you every step of the way. He will handle it, so lean on him, especially when it seems so overwhelming. My prayers are with you and your family.
Connie (akaLOU)

Abby's Paperie Garden said...

Sending hugs and prayers.

Abby

Hartwood Roses said...

Many, many of us have walked in your shoes ... you are not alone, Anne dear. Caring for your mother the way you have, and will continue to do, is a a gift to her. It's what we do for those who are closest to us. Take advantage of all the help you can get, because your mom needs you 100%, not worn out with little things.

Wisdom in this situation is knowing when to fight, and when to make your mom comfortable ... knowing when (or if) to bargain bad days in exchange for the possibility of more good days. Every day is important. Listen to what your mom ISN'T saying, and help her make the right decisions, or make them for her. You are a good daughter!

We are all praying for you, and your mother.

Theresa said...

Oh my precious Anne, I am praying for all of you! My Mama was taken in her sleep two years after she had a stroke! It was so hard but I still had my Daddy! When my Daddy was in his last days, was the hardest time of my life! I sat with him and held his hand and let him know I was there! He knew it:) You do the same, just be there when you can and get away when you need to, it is OK to take care of yourself too! Love to you and your sweet Mama and ginormous hugs and prayers!

Whimsey Creations said...

Prayers for you and your mom Anne. One minute at a time - that's the way to be able to do it. Let the bad moments go one at a time and treasure the good ones. Big hugs to you.

sissie said...

Dear Anne,
Right now you are doing the best thing that you can do and that is to share your feelings with those who understand.
Please know that anything you feel, do or say right now is the right things to do no matter what anyone else might have to say.
I've walked in your shoes. It was difficult and I also shared the same emotions as you.
Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. There will be a point in all of this that you will receive peace. Trust me on this one.

hugs to you sweet friend.

Sissie

time worn interiors said...

Oh sweet Anne! I know this is beyond hard for your! I'll pray for strength to be sent your way. And prayers for your mother! Thanks for the face book update, I don't do face book, guess I'm still in the dark ages, gotta do something about that!
tot

The*Thrill*of*it*All said...

Sweet Anne,
I write these words trying to see the keyboard through my tears. I just wish you could feel all the love, comfort & strength winging its way to you across the world from Australia. You brighten my days with your beautiful, joyful, wise & whimsical blog.
With all your love, care & medical knowledge your dear Mother is in the best of hands.
But in the darkest night when you have done everything possible medically & all you can do is wait for it to work & pray, the best advice I was ever given in a similar situation was to "Let go and let God"
May your prayers be answered & may you be granted peace & comfort.
May God bless and keep you all the days of your life.
Love, Michelle x

Vintage Junky said...

still praying for both of you. all of you
xo~

Thistle Cove Farm said...

Darling Girl - my heart aches and goes out to your and your Mother; life is often never easy and sometimes downright nasty. Last year my husband was diagnosed with terminal, inoperable lung cancer and it's been a roller coaster ride but without the seat belts.
Your blessings include your background for you'll have a much better idea of what isn't being said as well as what is being said. You'll understand better what is happening and what isn't happening. You'll be better received by the doctors and they won't, hopefully, talk to you like you're thick as a brick. You won't have to fight, not so hard, for what you want your Mother to receive whether it be care, meds or TLC.
I'm quite sure there are photos of me with a bull's eye painted on them in at least two hospitals due to me having to *fight* for Dave, his health care and his medical rights. Be that as it may, Dave is alive, having some good days and we're enjoying each others' company while we're together.
We're counting our blessings and have added you and your Mother to our prayer list.

gina3 said...

When you say the hardest part of the day for you is the morning because you realize there is another day to face, that is the most wonderful part of the day because there is another day to face. I have no more days to face with either of my parents and as tough as it is to go through what you and your family are going through, cherish those days you have to face. Cherish the moments when she's sweet and loving and ignore the moments when she's not. It's not really her. Don't feel guilty going home sometimes. You have to take care of yourself or you'll be no good for her. It's okay to take breaks from the hospital and the enormity of it all. Our parents worry about us and sometimes it's actually a break for them if we leave for awhile. Talk about this and talk about your feelings and fears. Let others help you. It will make you stronger and help you cope. Prayers for you all.

Tammy@Simple Southern Happiness said...

I have walked that walk with my father. I wont begin to say I know what you are going through but I can understand the tole it takes on the mind and body. Jesus can help you be strong for your mother and lead you to make those choices she cant. Pray to HIM for his Grace he promises to all who belive in him.

To GOD I pray in Jesus Christ our LORD's name that he give you the grace he promised us in our time of need.

GOD be with you and keep you strong.
no email is needed.

summersundays-jw said...

I'm so sorry! Jan

Farmgirl Paints said...

oh honey my heart aches for you. i just want to swoop you up and give you a big hug. we've been through this pain before..when the roles are reversed when honey's dad had lung cancer. it was so so hard. just know i am swooping you up. i'm lifting you to the Father and He is going to carry you.

Katie said...

You and your mom are in my prayers. I pray you find peace and strength in His word. Psalm 91:2 He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.

Laurie said...

I'm praying for your mom and for you, dear Anne. I am sorry for the anguish you are going through, yet I also know that you know that He is near, and He hears the prayers of the many who love you both.
Love and a big hug,
Laurie

Janie Fox said...

Love and prayers for you and your mom. Hang tough sweet lady...God will hold you up.

Charm Bracelet Diva said...

I was right where you are when I was only 24. My mom was only 64. A crushing cancer came swiftly, unexpectedly,and took her away from us. I, too, remember the morphine and it's effects. I, too, remember that first moment of the day when you realize it's not a dream. And the sinking feeling that goes along with it. My heart aches for you and your family. Your mother is so blessed to have you, as you her. You're stronger than you think. And so is she. I'm off to church this morning, rest assured you're all in my prayers. Hang in there.

xoxo
Kathleen

Tins and Treasures said...

Good Morning, Anne,
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am relating to your post, as my mom is elderly and we went through surgery with her too. It is so difficult when you have to assume the role of mother to your own mom.

Yes, stay strong for her. Take care ~Natalie

Tilda said...

i am not on facebook, so am thankful for this update here. i could add so much more, as i was where you are now, 2 years ago. the memories are still fresh, along with the hurt and despair. i say ditto to the messages of 'the thrill of it all' & 'sissie'. again, we all care deeply for you and your family are continued in prayer and thought.
in fondest. Tilda

Jeannine said...

I stopped and said a prayer for God's comfort for you and a miraculous healing for your Mother. I pray that God will get all the glory

Jensamom23 said...

I am so sorry what you and your family are enduring. My heartfelt prayers are with you.

Maura @ Lilac Lane Cottage said...

Anne...my thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom at this difficult time. It's hard for those who have never gone through something like this to grasp the reality of it all. I'm sending you virtual hugs...stay strong and lean on your faith.
Maura X

Betsy and Elaine said...

Anne, I am filled with emotions for you and your mom and family. I know that my words are inadequate but God's word never is. Trust in him (as I see you are) and know that no pit is so deep that (HE, our GOD) is not deeper and will lift you out and comfort you. I am lifting up you, your mother, the medical staff and all else involved to God in prayer. Blessings and peace to you. Betsy

Debra @ Common Ground said...

I've been with you there, in spirit!
much love and many prayers, D

Joanna said...

Such a difficult time for you both, I know how your heart is breaking and how helpless you feel. But you are doing the best job you can - being there for her. Don't be too hard on yourself when you need some brief respite, it's exhausting and you must allow yourself time out to be able to last the course, whatever that may be.

Keeping you and your Mom in my heart.

xxxx

Patty said...

Anne, I have sent you a longer email if you would read that. It's too much to write here. And I've given you my contact information there also. You are otherwise in my thoughts throughout the day, and my prayers at sunset.

FILIGREE MOON said...

Anne, Your momma and your family are in my prayers. Peace is what I seek most days with my Mom's situation at present. The anxiety and despair can be overwhelming at times, though I rely on my faith to carry me through. There is comfort in that. It is difficult to consider caring for myself, though I have learned the hard way that this is not wise. You must consider your own rest and care even though it seems counterintuitive, as your soul must refresh to be wise and fully present for your mom. The struggle re-presents itself in that we want to take control...surrender to God. I have to keep reminding myself. I will continue to pray for peace and miracles, no matter how small. ~ Angela

A Rosy Note said...

Oh Anne, I wish I could squeeze right through this computer and give you a big hug. Reading all that was so much to take in...I don't even know what to say, except for I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
xo Tricia

pbrenner said...

I am so sorry for what you and your family are experiencing right now - I am glad that you have your faith and I pray that it gives you strength to meet whatever comes. There is no need to personally thank people for their prayers, they are freely given with no expectation in return. Take care of yourself and your mother as best you can, and treasure every moment you have. For me, the best part of faith is the sure knowledge that earthly separation is finite, and short in the scheme of things. Take good care, and may God bless you and keep you.

Patty

At The Picket Fence said...

My heart is aching for you Anne! I truly have no words...please know that you and your precious mama are being lifted up in prayer to the One who knows and sees all!
Vanessa

bunny said...

I just wanna hug you. I know you wanna do it all, but please, get someone to help you or at least vent out to. We're here for you~


bunny

Diane Mars said...

May a sense of calm and strength be yours today...and may your Mom be comfortable..

Jeannie said...

I pray that God will comfort you and make your mom comfortable.
He knows what you need before you ask Him. I am so sorry for this very hard time. God is with you.

Kim from The Sheep's Nest said...

Ah Anne, my thoughts are with you. You are a kind and generous person and as painful as this is you will survive it. I'll be thinking of you.

A Cottage Muse said...

I feel sending you a hug is not enough...just know it's full of lots of love.
Take care Anne,
xo
Sandi

Theresa said...

Oh Anne, I am so sorry. What an exhausting week both physically and emotionally. I have no adequate words, just know that you and your mom and all of your family is in my thoughts and prayers. love, t. xoxooxox

diana said...

sending thoughts and prayers. xo

Tracy Suzanne said...

Honey, I had no idea what was wrong and what the surgery was for. I'm crying with you and continue to pray for you. The fear, the anxiety, the empathy you have for your mothers pain is so overwhelming and so exhausting. I know the Lord feels her room with his angels and I pray you find strength and comfort in his arms.

Dear Lord, I pray that you give Anne precious, restful, renewing sleep. May her mother sleep and be unaware of the pain her body is experiencing while your loving, tender care heals it. We pray these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

All my love and thoughts are with you both Precious Anne. I wish I could be there to give you a break and share a caring hug with you. All my love...Tracy

andrea said...

It sounds like what your family really needs right now is a miracle, so prayers that she is blessed with grace. Prayers that Mom is well-tended by the hospital staff as she recovers. Prayers that you get some rest, because she needs you now more than ever, especially since she is looking to you for assistance in health care decisions. I was really saddened when I gathered by your post that Mom had refused prior treatment. I have been there. It is impossible to make an adult get treatment when they refuse and it is heart-wrenching and emotionally exhausting to watch them suffer when you know help is available and you are willing to go with them to get help. So, hold Mom's hand now and remember, that in the end, that is the most important thing, that you are there for her no matter what. Sometimes, when people are in a weakened state of mind and soul, they give up on themselves too easily and they need the strength of another to keep them going. Let us all ask the Blessed Mother for comfort here, as she stood there and watched her Son suffer and die. She truly knows your fear and your emotional pain. love and prayers, andrea @ townandprairie

My Blessed Serendipity Life said...

Dear Anne,
I am so sorry for what sufferings your mother and you have endured. I am praying that God will breathe peace, love, and comfort over you both. As I pray the rosary before mass tonight, I will be thinking of you and your mom.

love,
Danielle

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Anne I am praying for your Mom to have comfort and for you to have strength. I know the road is so hard right now but all of us who love you are right by your side. Take care of yourself the best you can....Asking God to bring you peace and love. hugs, Linda

MosaicMagpie said...

Anne,
Try not to worry about your mother not wanting to know too much about her condition. I am sure she is struggling with fact she will be leaving you. There is only so much we can hear and think about in situations like this. Oh my dear I know your heart is hurting but hers is hurting too. Cry and let her see you cry. Share all those emotions, take advantage of what time you have left together. Some people are taken away from us in the blink of an eye, without warning, you have been given the gift of knowing and the gift of time. I hope you will have some good moments together, without the influence of her medication changing her.
Always remember you are stronger than you think you are. Praying for you both.
Deb

mollydianeh said...

You're doin'good! You're keepin'it together. Today WILL be better {maybe is a very tiny way} but it will be better than yesterday. Many of us have walked the "hot coals" of this path and our "souls" are tougher for it! My prayers continuously for you,your Mom and for your hubby. Shoot...for your mom's addopted RN-guy that stayed with her too!!

nancarts said...

Dear Anne, You and your Momma will be in my prayers. Am so sorry you are dealing with this, as lots of us have. Remember God said
"Never will I leave you.
Never will I forsake you."
Hebrews 13:5

Peace and Blessings,
Nancy

Jennifer @ Studio JRU said...

My thoughts and prayers are with your mom, and with you Anne. HE is right there with you. Praying you can feel HIS love and strength as you need it most.

Blondie's Journal said...

I am thinking of you, Anne, and sending many prayers.

XO,
Jane

" SHABBY JUNK" said...

Anne, I am so sorry to here this. Will pray for you and your family. My mother died when I was young , of colon cancer. Not operable. It's so hard to watch someone you love in pain and feeling helpless. You are dong what you need to do, being their for her. I don't understand why this happens. Prayers for your mom.

Carole said...

How I wish I could take all the pain away for both of you. The hardest times for me was when I would drive alone in the car. I don't know how I didn't run off the road with from eyes filled with tears.

I will keep you both in my prayers.

xx
Carole

Pam said...

Sending prayers your way.

NauticalCottageBlog.com said...

I love you, Anne and no thanks for prayers are needed. Am contacting my prayer group for love & support for you, mom & family today.

Marie
xoxo

rockpaperscissors said...

My heart breaks for you today. My mom died of liver cancer. I've been where you are and understand...my prayers are for you and your mom today. Hugs, Maryjane

SuzyMcQ said...

An Irish prayer that transcends all religious faiths and beliefs....
May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.

Outofmymind said...

I'm also praying for you and your family. Continue to prayer for strength and understanding, but also when it's too hard, turn it over to God. I promise you He WILL take it and give you comfort and peace!!!

www.MaisonStGermain.com said...

Anne, I am so sorry for you and your Mom. I went through the whole cancer thing with my father when I was 18. He was only 43 years old. My youngest sister was 5. It is so hard to see the one you love go through this. It takes such a toll on everyone yet we need to be there for them. Just know that I and many other people are keeping you, your Mom and family in our thoughts and prayers. Leaving it in Gods hands is really the best thing that we can do. Take care.
~Debra xxx
Capers of the vintage vixens

Crystal Rose Cottage said...

Anne, take one day at a time, one minute at a time. Seeing our parents health deterioate and sometimes suffer is a horrible thing but you will come through it. Take time for yourself too, you need your strength! My thoughts and prayers are with you! ~Hugs, Patti

lisa Moran, Bilancia Designs said...

You're being the best daughter you can possibly be at this time. NO GUILT, Anne...I've been there-- PLEASE...no "what ifs"... "did I do enough"?? None of that. You stay strong and leave everything in God's hands...and just continue to be the kind of wonderful daughter you've always been to your beautiful mother. This is what will carry you through the days ahead.
All my love and prayers to you, my very dear friend,
Lisa xoxo

Vicki said...

Anne, you just keep doing the best you can. Do not feel guilty for taking a moment away or a moment to breath and regroup. It will make you stronger. Give it all to the Lord and he will take care of you both.

Prayers and love,

Vicki

Blue Creek Home said...

Anne,
You have been heavy on my heart. There is just no easy way to get through this and there are no magic words to heal your heart.

God has you and your mom and when one of you can't face the next step He will lift you up and carry you until you can face it again.

We will fully understand it all one day when we are reunited with our loved ones and finally in the presence of our precious Lord.

Rhonda

Draffin Bears said...

Dear Anne,

Continuing to pray for your Mom and sending my love, may you have strength and comfort at this most difficult time.
My Father died of prostate cancer and know exactly what you are going through, one of the most hardest times, of my life.

Hugs
Carolyn

Lara said...

Sending my prayers & love sweet Anne. ♥

Petite Michelle Louise said...

Oh anne...my heart breaks for you....i am in tears as i read this post. i know WELL your pain.....I will pray for your dear mama and for you..that you both find the strength you'll need to face what is ahead.

Kathy said...

Dear Sweet Child,
May our Blessed Mother comfort you and hold you close to her knowing you can lean on her for strength. Simply do the best you can, may your pain be lessen by knowing she is forever with you and your family.
Kathy

Susan said...

Anne, My heart is so heavy for you, It is palpable, and I do not know you as much as I wish I did, I am not one of your FB friends, I am a stranger from NJ.
However, I am feeling deeply for you, I am still crying after reading this post. I lost my dad in 2005, just 6 weeks before my on-the-job-injury, that ended up with the MRSA and leaving me with 3 less bones in my wrist along with several ligaments, some muscle, and now having also permanent nerve damage. (it also lead to badly torn muscle above the opposite arm's elbow, from more use as the left forearm was in a cast for almost 7 months, so I lost 4-5 inches of muscle there) it was a horrible year. 2001 was also a year like that, I ALMOST lost my husband who had 2 heart attacks 5 days apart followed by a double bypass, when he was released from the CICU to a reg room, we got the call from Florida that my mom went to the hospital with chest pain. LUCKILY she did not have a heart attack, but she need 5 bypasses. she survived the surgery only tyo have them send her home on too many BP meds, and she kept passing out, because her BP was way too low, luckily my sister figured it out (as she and her hubs went down to be a help) and called for an ambulance. they said we could have lost her. (i was like SUE0 then one of the incision down her leg from where they harvested the vein, got badly infected...back to the hospital again. My hubs was home now, I got another kidney stone, then we had to put down MY "honey" (white German Sheppard, my baby and best friend) she was only 10, bladder CA.

I know loss, I know how hard it is to watch, my dad almost died a few times before it actually happened and the REALLY SAD par6t, was that he rallied, he was out of the reg hospital well off the vent doing well with just neb. treatments etc. he was other in the rehap hospital after being vented and under conscious sedation(propaphol)for over a month, so he needed to strengthen his limbs and regain ROM etc. he was slated to be released in about 6 days. he cried on the phone every night to my mom, that he wanted to come home. well, at 11:15 or so on rounds he was watching the news, and breathing fine, and his heart sounded good. They checked in on him at about 1:30 am, and said he was sleeping peacefully and breathing fine. Someone went in to check on him and take his vitals around 5 am, and he was gone.

We are grateful he went peacefully in his sleep. but we are left with that awful unanswered question. WHY did he die when he was doing so well? It didn't, doesn't make any sense. Three times while vented we were told by his doctors to bring up the whole family because they didn't think he would make it through that day and night. so he comes through after a year of this is off the vent off the c-pap, doing well, and then dies?
This is still weighing on my heart. it is also one of the reasons I do not believe in things I used, but not the only reason.

It kills me when someone I know, especially someone I know's kid smokes. my own son smokes on and off, he lived through his MiMi (my MIL that lived with us for 10 years die from COPD and heart issues, he was much older and saw what my dad went through with COPD and heart issues. I just want to smack them. I know this is what you deal with on a daily basis, and you see the family members sitting vigil.

AS a CNA long before I started nursing school, or switched to Imaging, I worked on an Oncology unit, I saw a lot of loss, and some victories.

I have no words of wisdom for you. I can only say to please try to feel my comforting hug, and the healing energy I am sending out for your mom, and the peaceful and strengthening energy I am sending out to you. I would truly love it if you would email me your mailing info.

There are many sending there all to you and your mom. I hope you can feel all the love and hope!
Many gentle comforting hugs,
Susan

Kristen said...

I'm so sorry. You have my prayers.

Kristen

Sue K said...

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Know that you have the prayers of many and hopefully, they will carry you through. Losing our loved ones is so hard. Just do the best you can, get as much rest as you can, snd make sure you take care of youself.
Love and hugs, Sue K

gema said...

MI ORACION PARA TI Y TU MAMA EMPIEZA HOY QUE POR PRIMERA VES VISITO TU BLOG,Y MAS ALLA DE LAS COSAS BELLAS QUE PUEDA TENER ESTE BLOG QUE AUN NO E VISTO ,ME DETENGO EN TU DOLOR PARA QUE LO COMPARTAS Y HACER MAS LLEVADERO TU DOLOR,PERO DETRAS DE TANTO DOLOR ESTA LA MANO SANADORA DE NUESTRO DIOS,QUE TE CUBRIRA, NO LO DUDES EN CADA MOMENTO DEL QUE ESTAS VIVIENDO CADA MA√ĎANA POR 7 DIAS USTEDES ESTARAN EN MIS PETICIONES A DIOS,TODO LO DEMAS LO HARA DIOS,POR HOY RECIBE DE MI CORAZON BENDICIONES MIL.

sandy said...

Dear Anne,

I'm so sorry to hear the pain and suffering you're going through right now. May the peace of Jesus Christ rest in your mom's heart and may the Lord's strength guide you through each decision you face in the future. May the Lord keep you in the palm of his hand.
SandyL

Chez Zizi said...

I will be praying for you and your mom and the strength you need during this time.
Xo Zizette

Sarah. . .myyellowhouse said...

Anne,
I pray God gives you the strength, patience and time that you need...and I pray that the time your mother has, is spent in peace.
I am so sorry this is happening....God bless you both. xoxo
Sarah

Mona Kay at Blissfully Refurbished said...

I am so sorry. May you find comfort and peace. We are all thinking of you.

Mona Kay at Blissfully Refurbished said...

Also...any feeling you have is OK!!! Especially needing a break

Lili said...

My heart goes out to you and your Mama and I pray for comfort from the nightmare you two must be living through right now. Sending much love and prayers to you dear Anne. ~Lili

French Vanilla said...

All the love and prayers from so many people.... I wanted to say that my Mother died from Cervical cancer after 7 very painful but courageous years. I was overseas for a few of the years that we thought she had won the battle. I was assigned a base near her for her last 6 months (she made it another 6 months). Even though my Faith is very strong I went to see a counselor. I just had to be able to get it all out with someone who wasn't in my family. Most of them were in denial... She died at 56. What a blessing you are to your Mother. If your mom doesn't want to talk about it that may be good for her. Sometimes when people are told that they are "incurable" they give up. Prayers for you all.

Faded Charm said...

I'm praying that both you and your Mom have the strength to keep fighting this horrible disease. My heart breaks for you Anne:-)

Take care,
Kathleen

songskatesang said...

Praying, praying, praying for you.

Gail said...

Anne,
Be with your Mom while you can, you'll never regret it.
HE will give you the strength you need. I wish I could have been with my sweet Mom at the end, but I couldn't and that was hard to deal with.
Blessings to you all........hug your Mom and love her up while you can, and don't feel bad about being human.

FRENCH LAUNDRY said...

My heart aches for you my dear Anne, but know that you are thought of and prayed for and that your precious mom is as well.

Hugs,
Judy

Nita Jo said...

Anne,

My heart is with you and your mom, and I'll be praying for you both. I lost my mom to Ovarian Cancer, but with her faith, and lots of prayer, she lived beyond the doctors predictions and enjoyed every minute of her time with us.

I'm praying that your mom will be well enough to really enjoy life, that you will have time together that is joyous, and I will also be praying for miracles. Sometimes we do get them, and it never hurts to ask! Bless you, and Bless your sweet mom!

Miss Gracie's House said...

Dearest Anne,
Words are just not enough...I will keep praying...for sweet and tender moments with your mother and for strength, peace, hope for you.
Rest in HIM and HIS goodness...always.
Rene

LL from KS said...

My heart is breaking for you and your mom! Neither of you have an easy road ahead of you, but just know that God is holding both of you in the palm of his hand! Peace to you.

Daphne Nicole & Lynda Cade said...

Anne, I am so sorry for what you and your mom are going through. You are both in my thoughts and prayers.
Big hugs~~~ Daphne

Laura @ 52 FLEA said...

It is so hard, I know...as the loss of my Mom in March is still so very painful. I will keep you both in my prayers. With love, Laura

Itchin' Stitchin' said...

Hang in there!! It is a tough road ahead but try not to focus on how tough it is but more how grateful for the time you have. My prayers and thoughts go out to you and your mom.

Melissa/Piney Rose said...

May the Lord give you and your mother comfort during this time. I know what you are going through. I did it myself with my own mother three years ago. Hugs to you.

Torey said...

Just found your blog and had to comment. I lost my dear mother to ovarian cancer nearly 3 years ago. I'll be praying for you.

Buttercup said...

Prayers for strength, hope and healing!

north pal said...

no, you cannot contact each of us to "thank you" we just know you are have a very bad time. we are your gifts and we come bearing prayers. your dear mother shall have peace and God will also be with you. have NO doubts,please. and all that you feel is what we must go thru and God will keep you together. you may not think so,but again, He will. Bestest,Denise

Mandy said...

***prayers and love***

Becky C said...

Oh Anne. Did I ever tell you my mom had ovarian cancer? I have been right there where you are, sweetie... and it's not an easy road, and the only thing that will get you through is God's precious peace. AND all of these friends pouring prayers upon you and her. Just know this, God hears the cries of your heart, and HE loves you. Hang in there...

One Charming Thing said...

Wow. I wish I had wiser words for you, Anne. I just keep thinking as I read your updates... "I know Honey, I know" I know how much it hurts, how exhausting it is, and I also know that you are right, God is with you. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. You may be walking this walk at a different time, but we're still walking it together. I know Honey, I know. Sometimes all you can do is hang on to Psalm 46:10... "Be still and know that I am God." Have hospital priests come in to see you both, that was a huge help to us. Ours prayed and sang and made us look him right in his eyes as he sang to us.

Blessings for your nights and days,
Sheila

from me to thee......... said...

warm hugs and prayers for you, your mom and your entire family.....Linda

Dear Lillie said...

Dear Anne,

My heart is breaking for you as I read this post. I am so sorry you are going through this and will continue to keep you in my prayers!

Warmly,
Jenni

Reenie said...

Oh gosh....my thoughts and prayers are with you xo

Michele said...

Anne,
I haven't commented in a while, and it's taken me a little bit of time to get the courage to write a comment. I won't compare my situation to yours but I have a very close loved one (my grandfather who is like my father) who is near the end of his life. It was painful to read through your posts because I know the feeling of fear and helplessness that you so poignanatly describe. It's truly overwhelming. You and your dear mother are in my prayers. As one friend told me, it will take all of you have to get through this, but you will get through it.
Sincerely, Michele

Mom of 12 said...

So sorry to hear about your mom! I lost my mom five years ago. Cherish your time! There are so many things I still wish I could share with her...like the births of my last two kids. Hope things start looking up soon.
Sandy

SconeLady said...

Reading all these comments, you are so blessed to have ALL of these friends praying for you and your Mom! So many of us have walked in your shoes -- our hearts break for you, but we know that God will give you the strength you need to get through this. There is nothing easy about it. But there will be blessings that you will see later. Try to rest and eat when you can!

Kerrie said...

So, So sorry that your mom and YOU have to go through this. Speaking from experience with my hubby, the caretaker gets no rest. Take care of yourself so you do not have a total crash. I will add your Mom to the prayer list on my Christian blog and be praying for you along with all the wonderful people above. God bless and keep you both in the palm of His hand. HUGS, Kerrie

Beverly said...

Dear sweet, Anne. Oh how I wish I could make this all better for you. You and your mother are on an extremely difficult journey. I am an only child, and I can associate with what you are experiencing, but we can never really know another person's pain. I do know what a special daughter you are, and you can do this because God will carry you and your mother on every step.

Love to you, sweet one.♥

Lou Cinda @ Tattered Hydrangeas said...

Anne, sadly I have walked this walk as well...with my father...lung and liver cancer. Please know that soooo many prayers are going up for you and your mom, and when you feel you can't take another step, please know that God is there with you every second of every day...let him carry you...

Prayers....

Lou Cinda

Chatty Crone said...

This is my first time here - from Not the Good Scissors.

Know you have my prayers.

My favorite verse is "My Grace Is Sufficient For You" and(me).

One day at a time.

sandie

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