A perfect little human
yet unborn
eyes
ears
little fingers
and toes
a heart
and a soul
not yet known
and yet already loved
doubts
fears
worries
self-blame
anguish
grief
Two years ago this month, I lost a child.
To miscarriage.
And this Mother's Day, and the last, have been especially difficult for me.
But I know that I'm not alone.
I know that many of you know this same pain, have felt this same loss.
I have no children.
Not here on Earth, anyway.
But I have been reminded
that my child does live on.
His soul is with God, and there will come a time when we will meet, face to face.
This my faith teaches me, this I believe.
I am a mother, too.
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you
Jeremiah 1:5
Posts
78 comments:
God bless you, my sweet sister. I, as well, have a little boy up in heaven. His name is Donald Keith Kinser, Jr. I lost him at sixteen weeks in my pregnancy and actually got to have him here at my home. We held him, and even had a little funeral for him with our other two children. It was a very sad but very wonderful experience because God was so with us through it all. You are a mother and I wish you a happy Mother's Day. Oh what a glorious day when you get to see your baby again!!!!
Yes Anne, you are a Mother too! God Bless you and this precious soul that is with God.
Anne, you always manage to touch my heart! I lost my unborn daughter Rachel in 1987. God has blessed me with a wonderful family but that hurt has never left me. I think your post absolutely reaches into ones soul and touches it. I am no expert but for whatever reasons God has we do not know. Your faith has sustained you and I care for you my friend. I think sometime meeting people happens for a reason. I always felt such a connection with you here at your lovely blog. Thank you for sharing your deepest self here today. May God truly bless you in your life. Hugs and Butterfly Kisses Anne
Oh Anne, This has to be the most beautiful post I have yet to read in my blogging history! My heart breaks and my soul aches for your loss--I am so sorry. My daughter had 2 miscarriages last year and I know her sorrow was deep. I will keep you in my prayers--know that you are loved. Wishing you peace and comfort. Julie
Anne, this is a beautiful, heartfelt post that touched me deeply. One of my nieces lost her precious little girl at birth. Then later when she was pregnant again, there was some odd condition that didn't allow this baby's vital organs to grow. Her doctor felt she need to terminate. It's been a difficult few years but she and her husband have now been able to move forward. It's such a mystery why? My heart aches for you and all the parents who have lost a child.
Sweet thoughts are sent your way ~ Sarah
SOOOOOO much love.muahh.
Oh, Sweet Anne ~ Thank You for Sharing Your Heart~ It Must be So Hard that Only Moms that have Lost can Understand ~ One Day, You will be Joined Once Again with Your Sweet Son ~ May Your Heart Continue to Heal & Hope for a Future Flourish..... In My Thoughts & Prayers You will Remain ~
xox
Oh Anne...You are so brave to open your heart to all of us. We do fall in love instantly don't we. I have lost 3 & I only say this to give you hope that someday you may have a curly headed little Harijuku or a little super hero/monster driving you nuts. I wrote a poem after the 2nd loss about My babies in heaven. I still love reading it & thinking of those little rascals being taken care of by God until I can go hold them in arms. When the time is right...yours will be the most blessed kids I can think of! Sending love! I will try to remember to keep you in my prayers.
Hi dear Anne, Happy Mother's Day! You certainly are a mother too and will see your baby again. I too know this to be true. I am so sorry for your loss and hope that you feel my love for you today.
hugs
Anne,
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I have many friends and family who have suffered miscarriages and death of children. It breaks my heart. Thanks for being open about an issue that so many people try to hide.
Hugs,
Jody
I am so sorry to hear about this. Just know that your baby is in Jesus's arms. And, Happy Mother's Day Sweet Friend
Michelle
You are definitely a mom and my heart goes out for you. I have a brother and his wife lost a child at birth and another child at 6 months, My nefew, his wife, and children the youngest 2 months were killed in a car wreck, and a good friend buried their little one yesterday that was born 3 months early weighing under 2 lbs. I was working on a quilt for her. I have put the quilt away because I don't want to work on it right now. The heartache is there and it makes it so much rougher because it is a child. We all pray for each other and I think about the mothers who have lost a child, and the child who lost their mother. Hugs and Prayers my friend. Your Missouri Friend.
Yes Anne, you are a mother and I believe you will see your baby again. Love to you.
bunny
Oh Anne~ How I wish I could hug you from here. I remember that ache. It is indescribable.. but your words wrapped around my heart like a blanket. Thank you. I have three precious Angels in Heaven. Our son, Evan was stillborn 10 years ago, and our twins, Sophie and Brayden would be 9 years old this month. I have to believe that our children are safe in God's arms...waiting for the day when they will be in ours.
Blessings to you this Mothers Day.
Hugs,
Melanie
Oh Anne. Thank you for sharing your story. Sending all my love and hugs to you this Mothers Day sweet girl.~ Tina xx
Anne what a beautiful and heartfelt post. So sorry to hear about your loss.Happy Mothers Day to you!
Many Blessings
Elizabeth
Oh Anne~ this is such a brave, heartfelt, and beautiful post, a loving tribute to your child with God. I have been blessed over the years, after a struggle, with three living children. But I know there are also two with God who would be 31 and 33 now. Yes, you ARE a mother...God bless you and ease your pain~ I hope you feel the love we are sending your way...XO
Hello, Dear Heart. I'm sending hugs and lots of love, especially this weekend. We are here in St.Louis and I can't get to email. I'll give you a call Sunday. Your post is beautiful and so touching, straight from the heart of God.
Love you,
Debra
Dear Anne,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss and what a brave and beautiful lady you are. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt post and lovely tribute to your baby. You are very much loved and sending my love and comfort to you.
Blessings, dear friend on Mothers Day.
Hugs
Carolyn
Thankyou for sharing your story Anne, and so sorry for your loss, huge (((hugs))) to you. I think you have struck a note with many many people who understand your pain at this time of year.
alicia
Hi Anne, I am so touched and moved by your words today. Yes, you are also a Mother, a very special one because God could only give that path to one of his best. Sending you my warmest wishes, love, and hugs this weekend. Keep your faith, I had a very similar path before having my son, who was a miracle not only to be conceived but also to go to term, I promise things get better and miracles do happen.
xoxo
Judith
Such a lovely and heart wrenching post. My thoughts are with you on this weekend. Yes, you are a mother, and one most special.
Heart-felt Hugs,
Sue
Anne, believe me when I tell you...you and your child will meet again. I know it. Thanks for sharing this post. Sally
Thank you for sharing your story. You have touched my heart. Blessings to you mama.
So sorry for your loss. Peace. Jan
I am so sorry , but you are right , will will some day come face to face and embrace! A big hug to you today !
Blessings
Eunice
Anne, I'm so sorry. I have two beautiful daughters all grown here on this earth, and one little girl gone to heaven before she had a chance to be born too. In my heart her name is "Elizabeth". Your little baby in heaven is looking down on you and loving you.
Warm hugs and blessings,
Diane
DEAR Anne ~ I just KNEW this when I read your post about the mask....not sure how, but I DID. I believe that my comment on that post even gave a nod to the mask I wore the many years that we tried to conceive. I did not have a miscarriage, but I wore a mask to conceal the pain that I was carrying around over an unfulfilled longing. I know what Mother's Day {and every day} can be like when your dearest dream has yet to manifest itself. Read my post, today, as it may bring you some comfort. And remember, Mother's Day is really for all of us, since we are ALL a mother's child. Sending you BIG cyber hugs and know that I will count you in my prayers. xx P&H
Oh Anne I pray for peace for you.
I do understand, I lost my son after being born one month premature and lived on this earth for only one month. He lives forever in my heart!!
My faith also teaches me that he is in a better place and I speak to him eveyday before I go to bed.
Peace for you is what I will ask when I pray for you and yes sweet Anne you are indeed a Mother, always will be.
Hugs,
Sylvia
I am so sorry Anne but thank you so much for sharing this with us in such a beautiful way. Happy Mother's Day to you {{{{{{Hugs}}}}}
xoxo Sandi
Anne, you are a Mother. Such a lovely heartwrenching post. God Bless you for sharing this with us as it could not have easy for you in any way♥♥♥
Yes, you are definitely a mother too! Thanks for sharing your story with us. Happy Mother's Day.
Jane
You are such a brave soul for sharing. Too many of us know the pain of losing a child. Whether you have held them or not you have nurtured them and that is a bond that is difficult to understand until you have had it. Lots of love from one mamma to another.
Dearest Anne~
Thank you for sharing your heart with all of us. I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, you are a Mother and will always be.
Enveloping you in love,
LuLu♥
Dear Anne,I am so sorry for you loss, you are a very strong woman to share this beautiful post with us. I agree with everyone else, you are a Mother and always will be. Hugs to you sweetie and Happy Mother's Day!
Debby
Annie, you are a mother too, indeed you are! I love my baby from the second I was told I was pregnant. I could not understand how can I love a person that I did not know yet. I didn't care if it was a girl or boy, none of it, I just love this little person growing in me. We always pray they will be healthy. Mine was not. I still love him even more.When God called him back to Heaven It hurt, but I send him off with hope. Annie, we will see them again. You will get to meet yours, I will get the hug I never got. My baby is perfect there and I'm looking forward to that. We were blessed with this love that death, sickness or nothing can change or make it any less. So my dear Annie, HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO YOU!
Oh Sweet Friend,
You most certainly are a Mother! Love transends all things. It's unseeable & yet unstoppable. It soars through the heavens & surrounds it's holy receivers with a light that never dims. It shines as brightly as the sun, the stars can't even touch it's brillance. Yes, we will meet those we have loved & lost on that heavenly plain & in my minds eye I see them smiling with their sunglasses on from the love light coming their way. Happy Mother's Day Friend, I hope you can feel my love coming your way!!!
Hugs,
Susie
I wish I have the perfect thing to say that would bring you comfort. I lost my first baby. My sister lost a baby at 37 weeks. I don't know why this happens but we do know who is in control. I pray that this Mother's day God blesses you with unexplainable peace and joy.
Oh Anne, I am so sorry.
Anne thank you for sharing. Yes you are a mother. A wonderful mother. My heart breaks for you as I know your pain too. Someday you will be with your child again. I really believe that. Take care sweet Anne.
Dear Anne,
I completely understand your pain. I have been down that road so many times...I lost a baby twice before my blessed son came to us. Since then ten years in counting no more children have come our way. This is so painful to us not being able to have any more and seeing so many friends and family continue to have more.
Keep your faith...Gods delay is not Gods denial..
I believe that no matter what you do or don't do a soul will find a way to come into your life.
Have a blessed Mother's Day
Pamela xo
Dear sweet new friend...I know of your sadness, not because I have lost a child, but because I too am a child of God....and when one of us hurts,we all hurt. I am so thankful you will see your little one on another day, and then all will be well. But, until then, I pray that your pain will be eased by whatever our Heavenly Father has in mind for you.....
diane
Oh Anne...I am so, so sorry...nothing moves me to tears faster than the loss of a precious baby and the loss of a dream...empty arms and an empty heart...I DO know...I *will* pray for your heart and arms to be filled. And you most certainly are a mother.
all my love,
Rene
Oh Sweetie! I'm so sorry! So many suffer in silence over the loss of their child to miscarriage. What a strong, brave mother you are to remember your child this way. When I read your blog, I felt like the statue with her head down. What a good job you did of putting feelings into photos! I'll be thinking of you!
Anna
I cry and cry... Let everyone in your life will be as you wish. God bless you
Anne,
What a beautiful post, those pictures are amazing. The one with the foot poking thru the belly gives me chills. I feel your pain girl. I lived it for years. I cried for years thinking my life would be lived without the sound of a little calling me Mommy. I had given up all hope & finally come to terms with my role as the 'fun Aunt'. It was still so painful for me to see Mother's at the park with their little ones. Then God decided it was my time, & instead of one precious baby he gave me 3! It was a true miracle. I guess what I'm saying is, one day your pain will hurt a little less & you WILL be blessed. Your such an amazing girl Anne. Your posts always touch me in such a special way. Lisa
I am sorry for your loss, Anne. Unfortunately, I am part of that club too. And although I was eventaully blessed with a second child, I still remember my other due date. I hope that your heart heals and that you are blessed again. I needed a little help the second time around with progesterone.
Dear sweet Anne,
I lost a baby ,too,
he was born on time, I had a perfect prignancy, but he was dead, when delivered...
I am blessed with my daughter, that was already here, at that time, but I so know how you feels, sweet.
Love and blessings,
Dorthe
Ohhh, Anne :( I am so so sorry that this is such a difficult time... Remember this: You are a wonderful mother. You love your child and took care of them the best you could while they were with you for a time. Even though you may not receive a physical gift this Mother's Day, I hope that the words here from your friends are sent as blessings from above to show you how much God and your sweet little one love you. *Hugs*
Anne, a very beautiful, touching post dear mother. I was once told by a Mother Superior of a religious order that we have populated heaven. I can picture our little ones running and playing in the green pastures of heaven. They are always with us and always will be. God bless you. Love and hugs.
My Dear Anne, Many many blessing to you. I know this was not an easy post, but maybe in many ways another level of healing for you. I pray that. My thoughts are with you
Hugs
Gale
Very sweet post. I am sorry for your loss. I too have no children and would love some. But I am not married or able to support any. I would adopt if I could though. I do hope you can smile. And yes your sweet child is with God and happy.
Hugs and prayers, Lisa
Anne I am so sorry that this is such a difficult time for you and glad that you have found comfort knowing that you child is with god...I'm sure you'll be getting kisses from heaven sent down by your little angel....happy mother's day to you my friend!
lots of hugs
Beth
Anne,
This sharing was so gracious, so loving and so sincere! Thank you for letting all of us learn a bit more about you and enabling us to hold you "that" much closer to our hearts.
We ALL, share your pain-as mother's that have raised children, couldn't conceive, OR lost children. Being or wanting to be a mother is NEVER easy. I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that we all will continue to help you carry the weight and sorrow of your loss.
And,like someone else mentioned, in all these posts,,,when I stumbled onto your site-as I did my dear Lulu's a year or so ago-there was SOMETHING about you besides the blogging and the beautiful pictures that, well, in spite of miles, age differences, etc., that just "clicked!"
It's like a "sense" or a feeling you get about certain people that just make you gravitate towards them. And I felt that with you, too. Your gorgeous pictures, your sense of style, your humor,,but it was that "something."
It's appreciation of life, acknowledgement of loss and adversities and what we LEARN about ourselves from the experience that I'm sure made me feel just a bit closer to you. You "stop and smell the flowers," appreciate the good things,,,,,,even though you've been through a lot!
If I could, I'd give you a HUGE hug right now and tell you that we can't plan out our lives,,but what we DO with them as a result of adversity,loss, and challenges is what matters!
Happy Mother's Day my dear! That little one was in your life for a reason. That makes you WHO and what you are today! And from my view, that is a spectacular young woman!
Have a BIG cry, journal or write a letter each year to commemorate THE "date." Or on Mothers Day. Create a ritual that you do once or twice a year. GET IT OUT! Like you did, somewhat in this post. That is a death/loss in your life that you need to acknowledge through ritual and event(s). And then,,,,,,,try and let it go. For now. For tomorrow, or next week. It's always a part of you and will NEVER be forgotten. Acknowledge....and then try and move on.
And the next chapter in your life? WHO are you going to give that love and devotion to that NEEDS you here and now? A school, senior center, other mom's that have experienced similar situations as of late? Giving "youself" will help heal YOU!
I learned that after I was widowed at 37. Giving to others helps to heal,,,Food for thought!
Didn't mean to post so much..but I did grief couseling for years and if any of this helps,,
Big hugs and love you to pieces!
Shell
Dear sweet Anne, your post just tears at my heart dear friend....I so wish I could hug you right now ~ and I also believe that your precious baby is waiting in Heaven to one day meet you again, much love, Dawn
anne,BEAUTIFUL! Bestest,Denise
Dear Anne,
I am so sorry to hear that you lost a child. I have had two miscarriages.
This is such a beautiful post. The photos are amazing.
Just know I will be praying for you.
Sending you a big hug.
Your friend,
Maria
Anne I am so very sorry for your loss- your sweet post has touched my heart- it is beautiful. Sweet blessings to you.
Dear Anne:
It took me two days after reading this to be able to come back and write a message to you. I've never given birth, so although I understand the emptiness, I can't imagine the unspeakable loss. I'm so sorry that your child is only in your heart and not in your arms. I, too, know that some day you'll be reunited with your little one, and the Heavens will shine on your reunion.
You are in my thoughts and prayers this Mother's Day, my friend. Sending warm, sheltering hugs your way.
xoxo
Donna
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO - from one Mother to another...Judy
Oh Anne, Happy Mother's Day sweet one!
Anne thank you for sharing your heart and those pictures are just beautiful. Happy Mother's Day and big hugs!
Happy Mother's Day Anne, your child is blessed to have you as a Mother, from one soul to another. God bless you as prayers are lifted for you & your child.
TTFN ~ Hugs, Marydon
Dear Anne, although I cannot know how you feel, I can imagine the pain. In February, 4 years ago, we were anticipating the birth of a friend's first child. The very day she was to deliver, she found out that there was no heartbeat. I can tell you right then and there, many hearts stopped for a fleeting moment as the realization of the loss flooded us all. It still brings me to tears thinking about it. Sending much love, hugs and blessings your way. Tammy
Happy Mother's Day and thank you for such a touching and heartfelt post.
I am so sorry! I cried as I read your post my heart hurts for you! I know I have been so blessed with 3 wonderful boys but my heart aches for the one we lost, I will never forget as you will never forget! My prayers and my well wishes are with you today! Sending all my love
Kristin XO
there are lots of ways to be a mom! i am not a mom either, at least not to children of my own.
but i am a *mom* to my nieces, nephews, friends children, my goddaughter and goddog (yes!) and until a few weeks ago my kitty-kat!
i think i am a better *mom* this way than i would have ever been to my own kids!
thank you for your sweet comment about sister. i will never look at the beautiful word "twig" the same ^..^
happy mother's day!
Anne... it's interesting that God brought me to you this week. I had 4 miscarriages to to get my one and only son who is a miracle! I think it is beautiful to honor the memory of yours. Just remember to let go and let God... everything happens for a reason!
Happy Mother's Day
Love,
Terri
I'm so sorry, Anne....I do understand this one. Not much pain like this pain, and I'm so sorry you had to experience this. Your child DOES live...my faith tells me so, as well...and you will see him again. Thanks for your honesty and sharing this. It helps a little, I think.
Happy Mother's Day, dear friend.
Anne, this is so beautiful. I am not a mother either, but I wanted to be, and it hasn't happened. Some days that brings great pain, but I am also thankful for what I have. A miscarriage is so terribly sad and my heart goes out to you, but yes, you are a mother too of a little one in heaven. xo Terri
Sweet Anne, you had me in tears with this post. I can empathize, but can't fully imagine the pain you are feeling as it has not ever happened to me, and I am so sorry for your loss. I just know that you are going to be an amazing mother. I just know it. Lib lost three babies and I know that in heaven I will get to see my nieces/nephews. I think there will be one gigantic party up there!
I know you have wonderfully touched the lives of many children around you, so Happy Mother's Day to you too. You totally deserve it! You rock, girl!
Kate
PS- and I loved the post you did about your MIL. So sweet! I loved seeing those family pictures!
Anne ~ TY for your sweet note, I lost my son when he was 3yr 5 mn ... I know your loss, forever in our hearts they shall remain ... our sons.
In love, sweet friend ~ Marydon
Dear Anne, I read this post with tears....I'm not a mother but I just can imagine how hard it must be. My mom lost two children before me, sometimes she still talk about them with some tears in her eyes.
You will meet your child as st John teaches because God doesn't forgive your child nor your sorrow, don't give up at your faith. You are a strong woman, I really admire you and this post was really a courageous one.
I send you a warm hug, xxx
Dear Anne,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I have just lost a baby and it is very, very hard. My thoughts and prayers are with you
Janice
I have been reading and catching up with your blog. This was a lovely and touching post. My daughter lost a baby last Fall and is still having hard days. She has been blessed with three children here on earth but will always feel the loss of this one. Thoughts and prayers this Mother's Day.
I know not what to say - 'cept I love you. And I'm sorry for your loss and heck yeah that sweet baby is just waiting for his mama!!!
xoxoxoxoxo
robelyn
Yes, I think it was surprising to me how many women have experienced the pain of miscarriage. I lost a little girl - she was in between my two boys. I guess the easiest way for me to look back and smile is knowing she is in Heaven, and knowing that because of her sacrifice, we have our 2nd son.
You are not alone . . .
Hugs. Karen ~ Some days are diamonds
Anne,
Thank you for sharing this with me....I must say while it hasn't been an easier year by any means, but my faith in the Lord has grown to know no bounds. For this, I will always be grateful.
My husband has become more than the man I love, or my best friend, he has become my reason for living. God has blessed me with an angel sent from Heaven. We are lucky enough to have children in Heaven, and I look forward to the day I get to meet my little angel.
Thank you for everything....
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