Pass the cigars, it's a girl!

Ever wish you could turn back the hands of time?

Yeah, me too.

I was looking back over my old posts, and found this one from exactly two years ago today.

I sound so lighthearted, giddy almost.

Made me smile, but in a bittersweet fashion.

Here's to happier days ahead...

{ originally posted September 7, 2009 }

Ain't she purty?

Her name's Fantine.

Me and my gotta-have-it-right-now, impatient self has been seriously jonesing for a dress form for what seems like forever. My junking budget has taken a serious hit this past month or so as I try to stock up on merch and props and such for my upcoming booth. So a real live, busty, beautiful broad in the form of a female dress form was gonna have to wait.

In the meantime, I stumbled upon Jules, who I introduced you to last week.

Meh. He'll still come in handy, but he wasn't what I was truly looking for. Yes, I admit it....I was just using him until something better came along. Lookin' for the Junk BBD, no shame in that, right? So why do I feel like such a hussy, then?  ;-)

After Mass on Sunday, I set off just down the road for some window shopping in the fab little town of Fredericksburg. You know, home of Red and the legendary Homestead stores, yada, yada. Oh, and to grab a bite at the yummy well-known eatery, Rather Sweet ....OMG, if you haven't eaten there, you simply must! This chick is one seriously talented chef, and she's been mentioned in scads of national mags and been on the Food Network. Just go. Get the berry tart bar. Prepare to swoon.

Anyhoo....just window shopping. Yep, that's all I  planned on doing, yessirree. Was doing great until we hit the city limits and I saw a flashing "Antiques" sign I had never noticed before. "STOP THE CAR"  I screamed at my junking buddy who was driving. Turns out it's a brand spanking new Antique Mall which just opened a little over a month ago. They seem to have terrific stuff and mostly great prices. And that's where I found her....

She was nestled away in a corner behind a bunch of Pepto Bismol pink frou frou. Almost passed her by, and would have had she not whispered to me in French "C'est un plaisir de vous rencontrer".

And with that, my resolve melted like a puddle of sorbet.

She isn't vintage, but that's aiight, I have plans to tea stain her soon. And she comes on a really sturdy, solid rolling stand. The best part? I was able to get her for a song, and nope, it wasn't La Vie En Rose, either.

I picked up a few more treasures at my newfound junk source, as well as got my name on the waiting list for when a booth opens up. Score!

Here's another nifty little find which caught my eye the minute I walked in the front door:

It's an egg carrier-sorter thingamabob! A little too pricey for me, but representative of some of the unusual things they have there.

Next installment, I'll give ya's a peek at the darling scales I practically stole from them they were so cheap!

Have a fab week!

Baby Steps Back

I haven't wanted to pick up my camera

the past couple of weeks.

Taking pictures has been the last thing on my mind.

Go figure, huh?

And then I remembered....

it was my sweet mama who, those many months ago,

took such unbridled joy at being able to help me

purchase my exorbitantly expensive big girl camera.

Each time I've had my photos published,

she has beamed with joy.

She even has a little mini-shrine of sorts set up

in her tiny apartment, filled with copies of the magazines

my work has been featured in.

She has been so proud of me,

and has been such a huge part of everything I've been able

to accomplish .

Mama, 

these pictures I snapped today are for you.

Love,

“So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. 

Today’s trouble is enough for today.” { Matthew 6:34 }

 

 

The Good, The Bad and the Whole Shebang

I wish I had pretty pictures to share.

News about my latest photography exploits,

or a really killer estate sale I stumbled upon this weekend.
Something light and frivolous and mindless.

Nope, I got none  of that for you.

So if you're looking for happy and cheery and all that jazz,

you best move along, because this isn't the blog for you right now.

My mom has inoperable ovarian cancer,

and I've spent the past week in the big city hospital at her bedside

following major surgery.

I'm a medical person myself, as most of you know, so it's a mixed blessing

knowing a bit more than the average bear when the roles are reversed.

I know when things are going right, 

but I also know when things aren't.

We've had a bit of both.

Because a lot of you might not have read my Facebook updates,

I'm compiling them for you here, in chronological order.

They may seem a bit disjointed, but 

maybe this will fill in the blanks for the concerned and the curious,

and will serve to explain why I haven't made this blog a priority of late.

Asking for prayers for a grave situation.  August 24 at 7:45pm via mobile

My mother has agreed to get treatment tomorrow. Please continue to pray for her, of course...but pray also that I can hold it together for her sake. I've already broken down completely several times today.  August 25 at 6:45pm via mobile

She is sicker than ever this morning and once again refusing to go to the hospital. I am frantic, please pray.  August 26 at 7:36am via mobile

 FINALLY got her to agree to go to the ER, we are there now. Thanks for all your prayers. August 26 at 11:27am via mobile

The news from the ER was not good at all. I just ask that you pray for peace for my mother and strength for me. I feel very much in shock tonight.  August 26 at 7:30pm via mobile

I held it all together until 4am, and then it all hit me. The tears flowed, the fear became palpable. Please God, help me to be strong for her tomorrow and every day she has left. August 27 at 4:36am via mobile

A very long day, but we now have a plan. Major surgery scheduled for Tuesday, please continue to pray that my mom feels the presence of Christ. Thank you all so much for all your prayers thus far. August 27 at 6:58pm via mobile

The fear I've been feeling for my mom had gotten better, but today it is back with a vengeance. Feeling nauseated, not sure I can do this. She had another horrible night, and has to undergo a grueling pre-op surgical prep today for surgery tomorrow. Got to keep it together for her sake. August 29 at 10:06am

She doesn't want any information about the extent of her disease from the doctor. She is in complete and total denial and is looking to me to make all the decisions about her treatment. This is so not like her...and I am completely overwhelmed and exhausted. August 29 at 5:02pm via mobile

I'm unable to keep up with all the correspondence and questions right now, just know that your prayers are very much appreciated. Her surgery is at 5pm today. August 30 at 8:39am via mobile

The early report back from the OR is not good at all...  August 30 at 7:34pm via mobile

She is in ICU this morning. They could only get so much of the cancer, there is much more they couldn't get. She has a horribly difficult road ahead of her and I'm not sure how much time we have left with her. Please continue to pray, above all for peace for my precious mama. Wednesday at 11:34am via mobile

She is off the vent, taking ice chips and occasionally teasing her nurses. I don't think she yet fully realizes the extent of her disease or the incredibly hard road ahead. It's still too soon to hit her with all of that. Plus, she's in for an incredibly painful procedure tomorrow when they change her wound VAC.
Still, she is alive. And where there is life, there is hope. Thank you Lord, for both. Wednesday at 10:59pm via mobile

A little bit of a rough day. She was supposed to he transferred out of the surgical ICU today, but she needed to be heavily medicated in order to tolerate a very painful procedure. Hence, she's still out and sleeping it off now.
I do alright most of the time, but every once in awhile, the sheer enormity of all of this just smacks me in the ass. This is one of those times. Thursday at 5:08pm via mobile

My mom had a rough morning. Very confused due to the pain meds, pulled out her NG tube, begging me to take her home. She may be transferred out of ICU today, and according to the nurse, someone will need to stay in her room with her tonight. I was prepared to stay, but an angel ( her adopted RN son Tom ) volunteered to stay instead. My gosh, I just need out of this hospital for one night, does that make me a horrid person??? Yesterday at 12:49pm via mobile

I'm on my way home now for the first time in a week. They sat my mom up in bed for the first time before I left, and they might move her out of the SICU tomorrow. She is still critically ill, still full of inoperable cancer, but I give thanks to God for these little victories. Yesterday at 9:15pm via mobile

For those of you who have walked the walk I am on now, what is the hardest part of the day? For me, it's that moment when I first open my eyes and realize that it's morning and there's another day to face. My heart starts racing and I realize that it all wasn't a bad dream. Peace comes at night, when I can close my eyes and escape, if only for a bit. 15 hours ago via mobile

Today was a mixed bag. She was sweet, loving, appreciative and grateful this morning and afternoon. We had great visits, and then we left for Mass and dinner. When we came back she was angry and confused and wouldn't make eye contact with me. It's the morphine, I realize that, but it's always better to end the day on a happy note. Thanks so much to all of you for praying and being there for me. 2 hours ago via mobile

 

And there you have it.

My week in a nutshell. 

Can I ever repay the countless hundreds of you who have left me

words of comfort and strength?

Probably not.
Heck, I can't even make the rounds to thank you each personally.

But just know this...

I have heard you.

And it's made a difference.

One Day at a Time

My mom had her surgery last night,
and things are still very precarious as we speak.

The extent of the cancer was widespread, and the future
is uncertain and daunting to say the least.

Without my faith and your prayers, I would have
fallen apart a long time ago.
So thank you...so inadequate
but that says it all.

Hug someone you love today...
Call your mom...
Don't take the gift of time for granted.

With love,
Anne

Update on My Mama

{ my mama }

Those of you who are my Facebook friends have followed along

this past week, and have so generously offered

your prayers and kind words...you have no idea at all how much

comfort we have derived from these, so thank you and bless you all.

I have run the entire gamut of emotions the past few days...

fear, panic, grief, anxiety, confusion, compassion, gratitude,

and ultimately...hope.

She is scheduled for surgery Tuesday.

This is no minor thing, and she is extremely fragile.
There are no promises or guarantees,
but it's the best option we have.

I'm struggling to stay strong, but stay strong I must. She needs this from me.

So, please...if I could ask...

continue to pray.

With much, much love,

A Grateful Heart

There are no words to express

how grateful I am for each and every one of you,

for your kindness with regards to my mother.

I am traveling in unfamiliar territory these days,

and so many of you have offered a prayer,

a kind word, and have just let me know that you understand.

It's a lot less frightening when you know that you're not alone.

It means so much to me, more than you know,

and I will be slowly but surely making my way over

to say thank you to all of you very soon.

Until then,

The Circle

I've been pondering the circle of life of late...

the seasons we pass through, the ages and stages

and milestones which mark and imprint our lives.

I am part of what some have labeled the sandwich generation...

that age where we are raising children, and simultaneously

starting to worry about aging parents.

Well, yeah...
if we had ever been able to actually have  kids, I suppose.
That ship has sailed.

But the age remains the same, 

and the aging parents thing is looming large.

Objects in my rearview mirror are most definitely

larger than life, and approaching with what feels

like breakneck speed.

What if I'm not ready for them, though? The changes.

"la,la,la, I can't hear you" only works for so long, you know.

There is a beauty to the changing of the seasons,

to newness and rebirth, but a hesitancy and a denial almost 

of what must precede it...

there has to be a Good Friday 

before an Easter Sunday, after all.

A constant theme of late is the passage of time,

the ruthless, mercenary, onward march of life...

Days into weeks,

youth into middle age,

the cared for becoming the caretaker.
Cruel and inevitable, as day passes into night.

My faith has been shelved of late, but it's time to retrieve it.
The journey demands it,
and  I can't see myself
navigating these waters without it...

not with any degree of success, or...peace.

"Deliver us, Lord, from every evil, and grant us peace in our day.
In your mercy keep us free from sin and protect us from all anxiety..."

Yeah, God.
I give a hearty amen to all of that, but always feel that last part
is aimed squarely at me.

And so the wheels turn.
Slowly, steadily, fatefully.
The circle is formed, and a new season begins.

P.S.
please keep my mom in your prayers